The 2013 that was

Hello dears, I have been thinking on how to go about a goodbye 2013 and welcome 2014 and I thought of no better way than to reminisce on the greatness of 2013 and leave 2014 to have it's way. I cannot account for everything that came to pass in 2013 but my biggest blessings are as follows:

In January, I celebrated 28 years of being alive and well and capable
In Feb, I met a man of my dreams. He who has changed my life in more ways than one
In march, 3rd march to be precise, I created a day to be celebrated as an anniversary, for a lot of things which happened on the same day for the first time. I also cast my presidential vote and the guy lost
In April, I learnt new words, new songs and better ways to have my way on the internet
In may, I reclined an offer for extended contract with a 'blue chip' company
In June, I created this wonderful blog (it is to me) where I get to unload once in while. 38 posts later and no regrets.
In July, I quit my job
In August, I tried writing, tried is the word
In September, I got another job, then another
In October, I had a plan, and the plan started to take effect... I also had a nephew and very sadly, I lost my beloved uncle
In November and December, things took more momentum and blessings continued flowing. More nephews and a happier life.

I promise to document the greatest happenings for each month in 2014.

Celebrate and enjoy the year that is. Happy 2014!

Anxious

'We need to talk, we really need to talk'.

I have always wondered why men make a big deal of a small sentence like 'we need to talk'. Today I received the above words in a text, I have actually left out another we need to talk because...I can't write the three of them without bursting. I am anxious to a point of nausea, and worse is the fact that I do not even know when this talk will ever happen; given the few chances I have of meeting the said dude.

I think my main problem is not the sentence, my main problem is I can't seem to even imagine what this could be about. Initially, two conclusions lept to my mind:

1. He is breaking up with me.
2. We have contracted a deadly disease.

I disqualified the first guess within minutes. This dude has broken up with me twice, and he has never shied away from doing it over the phone. It goes like 'By the way I think we need to break up', and is shortly followed by 'I am serious'. So no, unless he wishes to look me in the eye, put his hand on my chest and continue to physically pull out my bloody heart and crush it with his shoe (think of it in a horror movie way). Surely he doesn't hate me that much. But the two last times I have said I love you, there was no response. So maybe I am not that far from the truth with this one....or am I?

The 2nd guess, he disqualified himself after I got curious and asked if anything was wrong. He said it's nothing to worry about. Ahem! I think we can all agree that a disease would surely be something to worry about, or?? yeah, a disease would be worrisome. And since he says I be easy, then it's not a disease.

By now, you all know I am a pessimist, and I have run out of negative ideas. I mean, if it was pregnancy, I would be the one who is pregnant and probably the one unleashing the 'we need to talk' line. So, I am 85% sure we are not pregnant, and even if the remaining 15% chance were to pass, I am 100% sure he would not know it before me. By now, I assume we are in the same level of bewilderment, that is if you have a heart big enough to feel the emotions of a strange amateur blogger.

When I could not handle it anymore, I called my best friend and she decided to go with optimism, that since we both know that these words are the most unlikely to come out of this guy's mouth, the we expect the most unusual information from him. So this info has to be positive (If it was negative, he would have spit it over the phone. He excites at sad or negative info. So this has to be positive for it to wait). Problem is, this lady is my best friend, I can tell you without blinking that her optimism is unrealistic. Many a times, her optimism has gone overboard until at one time she wrote it down and it included the names of her unborn children. So today I listened as her optimism for my situation slowly turned into a fairly tale fantasy, and it just hit me how much I am in worse a situation that the minute I received that text!.

The lies that doctors tell...

The lies that doctors tell... And the suffering we undergo just because we believe them and can't be bothered to wake up from our blissful ignorance. Does that sound angry and bitter? Coz I am! That is after being reliably informed that the doc's advice to abandon my oh so comfortable tampons 4 years ago because apparently it would mess up my newly inserted coil and shorten it's life span inside me was a complete sham! Yes guys, I have been following the idiot's lie to the book for four freaking years and wearing messy uncomfortable pads. I'm sure he had a good laugh, and I hope his teeth fell out in the process! had I not opened up to a group of lady colleagues during dinner(because I had to go change n they were curious, not because we were discussing periods), I would probably wear them for the rest of my life! That reminds me of another saddist in the name of a doctor who predicted that I would never have a child, simply because I had issues of irregular and heavy periods. The shame!

I realize how weak I am as a human being who is a woman. I am alarmed at the twist my fantasies with this guy has taken. I am worried at how deeply personal my want for this guy has become. It is so personal, I want him to be my other half literally, i.e half me half him. (I know, scary!). I'm not one to exagerate, but a self check is not working no more. Professional therapy before I become completely stupid.

I had written this, before it all came crushing down…

Sometime ago, I promised to do a feature on why I like Ben. Ladies, have you ever been in a relationship where the guy has eyes for every other lady except you? Let’s make it easier; ever been in a relationship where the guy has eyes for you among other ladies? Easier still; where he has eyes for you and another lady (specific one this one), probably one he was (is) dating but has no guts to tell it’s over? Much more easier; where he has eyes only for you but you catch the bastard cheating and he’s not even apologetic? Easiest of them; where you are sure you are soul mates, wait until he gets an additional soul mate to the group and he is not ashamed to announce that he’s in love with the both of you? Well guys, not my Ben! I have been in a couple of the above situations and truth be told, there’s nothing that kills my emotional nerve than being in the face of such a pig. My emotions die kaput! One day, I’m all juices flowing at the sight of you, the next day, you won’t even get a drop from my sweat pores even if I’m standing under direct scorching sunlight. I won’t lie that I believe to be the only woman sleeping with Ben, uh uh. That, I agree with you would make me a totally illusional and deluded bitch. That guy got lost on me for a freaking 3 months, and he loves his sex, and he is well endowed. That said, I would not be so surprised if he is fond of flashing his blessings around. Infact, as present as he currently is in my life, I won’t be so surprised if he turns out to be having sex 6 days a week, and you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to decipher that all that action is not with me. But, despite all that, not once in my life has Ben ever flashed a woman on my face, never!. I know like 6 women in his life: his adorable daughter, his 2 sisters (there are more but I just know of those 2), his ex-girlfriend with whom they are friends especially on the business front, his ex-wife and finally his yellow yellow bitcheous friend (sorry beau) who doubles up as his neighbor. Why am I not up all cursy about the last 3 women? (bitch is not an abuse, just in case you were about to correct me). Because he has taken his time to let me know that I am precious and not comparable. That is as it concerns his ex-girlfriend and his friend. About his ex-wife though, I feel 2 things for that woman. First of all is respect: she was there before me, way before me probably when life was not a term that I ever thought about. She also happens to have given the man that I love his most prized gift. I will always give that woman her space, I would not want to go down in history as the woman who crossed that woman, uh uh. Second, I do admit to feeling what is (shamefully) more than a twinge of envy. (Jealousy is the harmful version and mine’s not that). Why, you ask. She’s the one woman who has held that post that I currently wish for more than being president of my own company, and a position that I am unfortunately not even allowed to discuss! (Jeez! Someone should tell Ben to ease up about this topic). Like I mentioned before, she’s the only woman who has given him a baby, something I have been banned from even considering. Yaani, she is that woman who has all that I wish for. What’s worse is that she could afford to let it all fall from her grasp! Whaat now?! Clearly, we do not value things using the same priority. Anyhu, I was talking about the women in his life and how he has made me feel so special. In retrospect, I trust him completely (so no, I’m not in for that piece of juicy info you got about him). I trust he will take care of himself and me in the process. (I know, my mother should probably smash my head on the wall to get some sense into it). Frankly though, dating this guy has been one helluva an undertaking, but I have never been happier in my life (or sadder when he’s acting up). So a high five for my dude that!

Another thing I like so much about Ben. He is a damn lier, it’s like a gift, he can’t help himself. Do I like that he is a lier? Not exactly, but I like that he lies first because he wants to protect you from the harmful truth and second because he thinks that’s what you want to hear. Sweet, right? Please don’t tell him he is sweet, I think we both know why.

Lastly, east or west, the truth is that Ben is breathtakingly handsome! He is that alright, and not in the ‘beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder’ way, but more of in a universally acclaimed kind of handsomeness. To put it simply, I am not the only one who finds him annoyingly handsome, the whole world does!

A letter from Ben

(GUEST WRITER, REAL LETTER FROM BEN)

My dear ladybird,

I know this short letter will find you in good health. The Ben you keep talking about on this blog of yours fits my description and so I hope you find it within appropriateness for me to speak out from my perspective.

It's been nearly a year since I made an acquaintance of you. During our long and intimate acquaintance and intercourse, I have no recollection of ever having heard intended foul words about me fall from your lips, nor your ranting. On the contrary, and in an apologetic manner, I am assumingly according myself a character of a man deluded by society's demands for a guy ladies want. The bad boy. In assumption, and without any foundation of fact to sustain these, I think your past had rubbed too  much of the good boy on you that the eccentric bad boy that you say I am hit your tender soul - too hard I may add - to a point of confusion.

I know you deem your efforts of turning me into what you want of which you constantly think I thwart and regard as no longer of value, but that's not the case. I know you think I perceive your efforts as a matter of amusement to myself. I know you think I thwart your earnest efforts to change me, but I don't. All I want is not to be changed. All I beg of  you is to leave things as they are between us because marriage is least of my concerns for now. Your marriage talk repulses me from you. Be patient, let the wounds of my last marriage heal and marriage will sprout from our shady acquaintance in the will of providence.

It's unfortunate I bumped into your blog site, but I won't censure you for your writings on this blog. I assume it is written in the confidence of anonymity, with no purpose, or expectation, that it would ever come to my knowledge. I appreciate that no real names are mentioned, nor is it likely that any other name other than the false name you accorded me here would ever be known in connection with it. I guess your only objective seems to be to amuse cyber space strangers at your own expense.

I am at present much occupied with professional duties, and have written to you hastily. Bear with my typos and bad grammar, but I believe I have responded to your musings all as fully as I am now capable of doing.

AND NO DOUBT, I STILL LOVE YOU LADYBIRD.

Looking forward to your reply.

Love Ben.

My 10 things I hate about you

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way I can’t stand up to you.
I hate your efforts to be good to me, especially since they are so short lived.

I hate the way you read my mind, and your failure to observe the simplest of meeting dates.

I hate you so much it makes me sick — It even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you're always right. I hate it that you lie so much.
I hate it when you make me laugh — Even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you're not around. And the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you — Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

So Tired!

Have u ever been in a situation where you want so much to move on but no opportunity presents itself? Well, I'm in such a situation. I feel yoked and burdened by this relationship. Not always I must admit but it happens so damn frequently. I'm sure that all I need is one hot guy, not even the one meant for me, but one hot enaf to distract my thoughts and emotions. Once I take that step, I am sure to never look back. Problem is since this one happened, all others seem to have vanished. Either we do not walk the same paths or I have lost sight for anyone else. Whichever it is, I admit I need help, I'm begging for help to get past this one. I'm so tired of these deeply emotional dissapointments, so tired I wish I can kill my emotional nerve...someone please

Ben, oh Ben

As I write this, I’m watching two monkeys, likely male and female doing only what I can call a dutiful but most tantalizing, romantic ritual behind the office building. If I knew working from outside would always accord me such glorious moments, thoughts and sights, I would come out here more often. Let me describe this. There are 3 monkeys, 2  grown and a kid monkey. One of the grown monkeys came and took a seat just near my feet, the other one rushed somewhere and came back with the said kid monkey. On arrival, they two new entrants started chasing a cat around, the smaller one continuing with the chase as the bigger one came to sit next to his partner near my feet. I think the bigger one kinda got bored, because he started to move away. The she immediately jumped up and moved out of the way, after which, when he passed, she slowly but softly touched him from behind. The touch was effective, he stood still, and then she started the said ritual. She was I think searching for tududus, starting with the anal area, carefully and softly parting his fur and slowly biting whatever tududus she found away. She slowly headed to the abdomen, at which he sat and allowed her to, lifting each arm as required when she got to that area. She did his back, just as meticulously as other areas, then he got into an upright position and she did his feet, then went back to where she started, the anal area. I have never seen such soft, tender care before. I could not help the fantasies, with the one man I have fantasized with for the last 8 months. I thought of him and my love flowed to him (wherever you are Ben, love is flowing).  I keep wondering, if I had an opportunity, would I be capable of dispensing such tender love? Would he still at my touch the way that this he monkey did? Would he let me tenderly care for him, giving me way whenever I needed to? Ben, my dear Ben, I don’t know what is in store for us, if anything at all, but just know that there is nothing I wish more than to love you so right now. Meanwhile, I can’t have enough of you in my fantasies, keep there and stay safe for me love. Much love.

My two cent on Shebesh

So Rachel Shebesh is nursing a broken (or is it twisted?) arm, thanks to Nairobi Senator, aka Mike Sonko. This is the fourth time the lady has faced physical harassment from a male politician, worse, this has resulted in an injury. I have never been a politics person, but this isn't politics, it is a show of male chauvinism and she has become the waste basket. I am annoyed to no end and I say it’s time for this crap to stop. Not because I care so much for Shebesh aka manzi wa nai, but I feel that this is a personal attack to my womanhood. So I say this, I hate the inflictors of this shameful bodily harm, but I hate the woman who allows it more, she is a shame to womenfolk. What the hell do you think happens when you allow people to treat you like trash? She should sue them damnit! All the whole lot of crappy selfish motherfuckers with some ruined and bruised egos that need to be fixed by hitting a woman who is not even their relative. I bet they all have tiny specks of dangling male genitalia which they should even be ashamed to call dicks! Crappy stupid motherfucking idiots. And this to Shebesh, the next time you let an idiot treat you like dust bin, kindly make sure I don’t get to hear of it because I will slap you too. At least when the rest of us let a man treat us badly, it is because he has cargo to kill for and we want some bit of that, no matter what! Not some random idiot with stolen money who you have never seen naked! And to Shebesh’s husband, you are as useless as they come, and now your wife is paying for it by being treated as a music drum by useless semi literate, backward, shallow minded male politicians. Makubaff!

Ladies, let us ask

Ben is in my life... again! That was a disclaimer by the way, for all those who do not like Ben stories or those who think I am another stupid crazy cow. But today it is not about Ben, today it is about me and my inability to talk, to voice what is in my head. Let me tell you how bad this weakness is, this guy is in my life and I do not know what on Earth to call him; boyfriend, exboyfriend, future husband, hot man of my fantasies, man stuck in my head, just another hot dude??? see what I mean?!

This will not last long though, simply because I have made a resolve to ask. I will ask for what he envisions for us, is there an us in the first place? does he harbour any visions of an 'us' 5 years to come? who is second to me in this line who also calls him and her an 'us'? or who am I second to? what is the chance for our 'us' as compared to their 'us'? how can he rate his willingness to work and sacrifice for this 'us' to remain 'us' for good? is he willing to in the first place? that is a qualitative guide by the way.

I will tell you why I need these questions answered. I believe in happiness as a God given human right. You deserve to be with the one you love and one who loves you back, nothing short. So this is what I am getting, my right; and since I am blind to speech through action, or what is called 'action speaks louder than words" I will ask damnit! let us decide on how to do this together, right? let us decide if we both want each other, do it on a clean slate, ama? Once again (not sure its a once again), I can confirm to you that having feelings for someone is an art you learn, and if having these feelings naturally will not be reciprocated, then its only fair that one is informed early enough so as to allocate time to learn that art for someone else, I have a feeling it takes some time. I am intentionally generalizing here for the sake of all other ladies, a wish for myself is that I won't have to do the learning, but the process will come naturally because I am with one I loved naturally.

Let me get something right, I am not complaining about Ben. How can I? he has been at his best lately, he is the apple of my eye, and by apple, I mean that red, heart shaped image throbbing with love that is filling my vision space. I still love him just like before. And now I feel like I am doing an advertisement. So I will stop by telling you that no, I got not issues with Ben, I was just displaying my weaknesses and showing you my remedy or approach process to solving them. I feel like pulling one of those song of songs 'you are my lily in the midst of thorns' poems for Ben and putting them somewhere for him. Anyone who can advice on the ideal place and time?

Thank you my lovelies.

It is never too late for Him, be encouraged

Before I start feeding you the tales of me and mine, let me pay my condolences to the victims of that terrorist attack at Westgate. Yesterday I shed tears after watching the CCTV clip from Nakumatt Westgate, it was on TV but the fear that I felt, I could literally taste it. That was a horrifying experience. Today in the morning, I shed some more tears. As many of you (do not) know, Westgate is enroute my (only) way to town, so after holing up the whole weekend, I had to get out today and go to work. When we passed by Westgate, it was very quiet, in an eerie way. I could see no choppers as reported by journalists and although 5 minutes later they reported to have heard gunshots 5 minutes earlier, I did not hear them. But I looked at that building, and imagined the souls still being held hostage there 72 hours since this ordeal began, I imagined the children who have gone 3 days without food or water or the sight of their parents and if so, maybe in a similar state or dead, the number of dead bodies in that beautiful mall that have yet to be recovered 3 days later, I thought of this beautiful mall of ours where I have been passing most days for the past almost 2 years, sometimes making an occasional stopover. at All I can say is that I am deeply saddened that such a thing even has to happen. May God watch upon us with His Just eyes, may His Grace rest upon us because it is sufficient, His Love hover over us because it is everlasting and His Will be upon us because it is healing. When God creates us, He envisions a great and wonderful life ahead of us. I pray that His initial will for us be restored, do not let the evil destroy us.

People are already in pain, suffering great loss. In that state, I cannot sit and ask God to not make the pain happen, as it has already happened. But I request God to make His mighty presence be felt among the people affected and their loved ones. I ask God to reverse time, and I believe that my Almighty God is on this situation. All is not lost my brothers and sisters, it is never too late with our God. Please read these verses, continue praying and crying unto God, and He will come through to us all in a mighty and miraculous way.

The hand of the Lord was on me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the Lord and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. ² He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. ³ He asked me, “Son of man, can these bones live?”
I said, “Sovereign Lord, you alone know.”
⁴ Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! ⁵ This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath^[a] enter you, and you will come to life. ⁶ I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.’”
⁷ So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. ⁸ I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them.
⁹ Then he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Come, breath, from the four winds and breathe into these slain, that they may live.’” ¹⁰ So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army.
¹¹ Then he said to me: “Son of man, these bones are the people of Israel. They say, ‘Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.’ ¹² Therefore prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: My people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them; I will bring you back to the land of Israel. ¹³ Then you, my people, will know that I am the Lord, when I open your graves and bring you up from them. ¹⁴ I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the Lord have spoken, and I have done it, declares the Lord.’”

I almost settled

Five days ago on Thursday 12^th, I wrote up something for the house, but did not get a chance to put it up. In the following 2 days, something happened, and then another, and now, I am a hundred percent sure that I do not share the same sentiments. All the same, given that the feelings of that day were documented, and the fact that there has been little to no presence around here lately, I will still put this up for you my lovelies to read more about this lady’s life. Here we go.

I am in a hurricane situation, only this time it involves emotions or lack of them. Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you can send a line or two on my behalf that I make a wise decision, because if I don’t this time round, I will never trust me with any other decisions. Not that there is much of that trust left anyway. 

Remember I told you that I met someone? Well, turns out that he is no time waster. He is sure he has found whatever it is he has been looking for in this lady of the birds. Problem is, I am the one person who is into looks, and while my 2 friends who have met him think he is a looker, I do not share the same sentiments. He has a superb body, granted, but I need some more time to picture his face on a baby, or to imagine that face while having an orgasm! There, I said it! Don’t get me wrong, he is very handsome, quite handsome anyway. In fact, the problem is all mine, I have a weakness for faces that can be directly transferred to a baby and still look in place. Like that Wyane Wade dude. Man, isn’t that the perfect creature. Besides, this new guy in my life is very respectful and thoughtful. And after that monologue, I think I just convinced myself to say yes, because that’s what this dilemma is all about. The guy is set to propose today in the evening, that I be his soul mate.

See the problem I have, especially if the guy does not make my insides turn is, I have a phobia for future regrets. What if finally I cant just gather up enough courage to sleep with this guy? Not that I need to now, given that I’m not easy to get and all that what not crap, but I figure in marriage, there is nothing much one can do about it, right? Now I know why married women have headaches. Given my dating life before and the people  / person I  have engaged with (You know that type you see - make that think about - and your juices start flowing, and not kidogo juices for that matter), I have never understood why one would have to take up that headache line. Now not only do I understand, it seems I might borrow it sometimes if I decide to go this way.

Now that is told, have I told you about a hot dude in the office? And these days I am positively convinced that actually I convince myself that the men I find hot are hot. To explain that sentence with an example, this hot dude at work was one of the first people I met in the company. I actually talked to him on the interview day and I didn’t notice this heat. A week after I joined, I still had not seen much about it. Now it’s a month plus and I think he is one of the hottest creatures walking on lady Earth. overnight transformations on my quality of vision? I don't think so, I just think my mind sometimes can use mycreativity in the wrong ways.

I also need to talk to you about this name Gabriella, and why I am calling my (future) baby girl that.

Ok guys, take care.

Hello

Hi there,

Sorry for being away for such a long time, just too much work. So I thought to wave and tell you a bit about my time away. A couple of things happened.

I lost 2 kgs then added 4 kgs
My business did not even kick off. apparently I underestimated the monetary value of the requirements
I got a job
I met someone, then I met many more
I've still not had a lay, so high and dry. What is happening?!

So how was yours?

Letter to Ex

Dear Ben,

By now you are used to me writing letters to you, so no need for pleasantries. Read on.

You are right, I have been thinking long and hard about you, but before that gets into your head, you need to listen to Jordan Spark’s ‘Don’t let it go to your head’, it applies most appropriately here.

I will make this short and precise, because that is what you are in my mind right now, short and precise. From our last conversation, you asked me when we will be meeting next, though in not such good language. Let me inform you that I was not impressed with the answer I gave to you; ‘you tell me’? really? Clearly I become a blabbering idiot whenever I talk to you. But I have accepted that you have the effect on me, and I’m moving on, not by removing the effect, but by ignoring it, consciously.

So this letter is to give you my response, and tell you a little something more, just a little. After that conversation, it was clear that my response should have been ‘do we still do that’? coz that is what kept ringing in my head. Right now though, my response is ‘Please dude!’ okay, replace dude with idiot, that was meant for courtesy to my other fans, but then, I realize that you don’t deserve it. So my response is, where the hell have you been for the last 3 months (precisely)? And what the hell has your other headed body part been up to? I know your crappy answer, too busy and chips do not appeal to me anymore. Save it, I want you to show me a guy who has a perfectly capable girlfriend but who chooses to go for 3 months without! I might have been listening to your bullshit, but I hope you never lied to yourself that I swallow it. You must know by now that I am not as dramatic as you thought I was, in fact, I do anything to avoid it, hence my playing a dumb idiot with you.

Let me put it to you this way, the next time you ever, and I mean ever, get into my pants, you will have to start dating me, date me properly and wait for a full three month term. When I speak about dating, do not lie to yourself that you will just make that decision and just start. Let me not bullshit you on that, you will undergo the same criteria with the rest of them out there. You will be rated as per competition and trust me, right now, your ratings have a very negative edge to them, so you will have to do better than your usual. Don’t forget there will be explaining of your activities for the past 3 months, and that better be credible.

I will give you facts as they are, I leave the lies to you, you are the expert. So yes, I have been hang up, no one has come around to near replacing you, but brag not, for I am not a desperate damsel seated somewhere waiting for my prince charming to come save me from your (frog’s) jaws. I am out on a mission to look for a man, and I will get him, and he will be better than you. Mark those words. It won’t take long either, mark that too. I am also going to get me sexually satisfied, and I can’t wait for 3 months, take that as you will.

Let me mention, you do not have to do any of the above, because what I know right now, is you do not have to come back, in fact, I doubt that we can ever be back. If you think that will have an impact in my life, you got another thought coming. I will tell you, suit yourself, do as you wish. I am out!

Signed

Ladybird

The occasional mind wander

So today I found myself thinking about living with my boyfriend, that is, as my husband. Contrary to what you think, us ladies don’t think about that for every man, and if someone lied to you about that, well then maybe you are the type to be lied to. But let me speak for myself, I don’t always think about a man as my husband, like picture real situations, unless there is something I like about that man, something that I have found out is very rare, only these days though. Back then there was a lot to like, or I was a more likeable person, or both. Anyway, before you wonder which boyfriend this is, the one and only one I always wax lyrical about. Well, we have not yet established what name to give each other, so since there was no proper ‘I am no longer your boyfriend / girlfriend’ talk, he can go by the same title but only so that I can find an easy reference word when it comes to talking about him, which I will do a lot in this post (or I have done almost entirely since I started writing this blog),and frankly there is no one else who has come close enough to the title, speaking of which, is it because I live in the ‘leafy suburbs’  or are handsome guys nonexistent nowadays? Seriously! This one I met many many months ago and then… none! Dry spell. Come on guys, you cannot seriously tell me that there is not one huge,  (and by huge I mean normal big boned) guy who possesses the arrogance of 10 men put together and who lies sentence after sentence, and mind you, the lying is not to make you feel good! Now that I trailed off the subject and I am too far away, I might as well inform you of something I saw, or rather, was the topic in Matatu fm, but I was not exactly listening, I just read Mainas’ status for the day. So apparently, being a single mother to a baby boy seriously minimizes your chances of finding a life partner! Such messages should never reach me, very disturbing. Worse is the fact that lately I have been seeing more signs of me ending up single than married a lot, and I don’t like them. If you do not know this by now, be informed that there is nothing I hate more than the thought of living alone.  It’s not like it scares me, no, not at all. I have lived alone for the past 28 years, so I don’t see anything that should scare me, given that I have never experienced anything else. No guys, I just really hate the thought. I wish, and this guys, is not just a wish, it’s a fervent prayer, that I get married, properly. Wedding, rings, a baby (or two), and a happily ever after because if I ever get married, there never will be a divorce. That you can quote me on, for a person who has spent her entire life thinking of this situation and having experienced none, and having heard tales of why things happen, I know what I am talking about. Currently though, my prayer has become God give me a husband who if it’s not Ben, looks like him. Some days ago, it was like, God, I want to get married, to Ben. May your will be done, but in that category, only if your will is Ben. (Btw, it just hit me that someone here might think I am referring to a Ben they know about. No guys, that’s just a name I give to my boyfriend, not his real name but one that he prefers when it comes to aliases). True, I value good looks, I believe that’s the start to anything. I mean, before I give you a chance, I have to like looking at your face and making conversation to it, right? Well, apparently some girls don’t date handsome guys. In reference to what a close pal of  mine said once, you should date a not handsome guy (in avoidance of bad words), because they will value you, do anything for you and cling to you like you are life itself, brag with you to their friends and make you feel like a queen.  Handsome guys are just trouble. That btw, so true! I have had my share of trouble, but then if they are not trouble, then where the hell is the challenge? You have no idea how much I fear a plain life, now that I fear because my life has rarely had any plain. If it’s not being a wayward child, it’s getting expectant while in school and an acting bible study group mother at that, it’s getting myself out of one job after another, its dating unsuccessfully, it’s getting saved then unsaved then not praying at all…talk about! And I keep wondering why nothing falls in place!

Back to the topic. So I can’t tell specifically what I was thinking about or how that came to be, so what I will do is trail my thoughts from where I started and see if I can come up with something useful. Be warned though that my thought process is quite skewed, I think faster that I can process and store the thoughts, so you might notice some skips, which you should not have a problem with because this is my vision damn it!

So there is this gal in his life that I so love, for the simple fact that she can stand up to his ass and can be really mean to him. Once she referred to ‘his bitches’, and that my dears, made me so happy. Probably it’s because I have never been able to fight the guy? I mean, it’s not like I lack the words or the situations, the guy is damn annoying, given a chance, standing up to him is the only thing I would do in this life. But faced with such level of hot! I mean, just how much anger and attitude can withstand such heat?! I know what you are thinking right now, that I love him for the wrong reasons. No guys, he is hot, and I will be damned if I don’t refer to it. After all, that is all that people on the street will notice, and any of my friends who can make a mistake of coming near him, because I doubt he has anything good to say. But then, there is more to him than his face, body and cargo! Really, there is real and worthy content. I promise to do a post on what I find attractive in that guy soon.

So anyway, I remembered the ‘your bitches’ episode, and I was excited. I started imagining situations that would make me stand up to this guy in such fashion! And you guys wonder why I would like to spend the rest of my life with this guy? Simply to do such stupid things, hehe. If the standing up to him will ever happen, then it will have to happen in marriage, I mean, currently I find it hard not to just stand beside him and become a dump stammering blond! Seriously guys, I struggle to maintain composure with this guy, eti I struggle to even talk normally unless I have spent the night with him and have had a chance to normalize the situation and the runny feelings. Who can even imagine that! Me, unable to talk like a parrot! I figured that the only time I will be able to stand up to this guy is way into the marriage, like 1 year or so into it. I mean, let’s face it, this guy is stupidly annoying, not habits, hapana, words and sentences that come out of his mouth. Sometimes it’s all I can do not to tape his mouth up! So I figure, just how much of this annoying can I stand? After one year of marriage, I definitely will have to give in to the urges of standing up to the man, right?

So I pictured the situation, how it will happen. First, I have to make sure it is justified. I will avoid all communication channels during the day, every day, simply because I would want to have peaceful days and anything coming from him will make the day anything but peaceful. So how will I do this? First, I quit going to the social sites the day we say ‘I do’, so no more chit chatting, afterall we are both updated on how the other is, to a more than decent extent. Second, I will make sure that I have done everything that concerns him right, be it ironing his shirts, putting his socks together, and making sure that his underwear is in place and his breakfast is good and ready on time. This will make sure that I do not get a call from him, or even a text message, and if I do, it has to be a matter of urgency or a request or a plan… Many will wonder why I would avoid communication with my husband. Well, knowing the man as much as I do, you will understand that I would not want to start a war during the day, given the fact that each evening I will be going to face him anyway and he is going to romp my goodies away whether I want to or not and there is nothing I can do because he has rights to the goodies anyway! Don’t get me wrong, I love making love to this guy, I do it the whole day, nonstop, and I know he knows. So given that every situation is taken care of and I have avoided getting to his wrong side, then the guy goes ahead and does what he does best, annoys me, tell me dear friends, what will stop me from standing up to him, and happily so? See where my endless tales were leading?

That’s it ladies and gentlemen. For once I am in the house on a Friday and I am liking it.

Wasted day

Have you ever stayed in one place doing absolutely nothing for a full day? Well, that’s me today. Let me explain why.

Baby went on a school trip today. I know, and agree that’s a good thing, but my nerves are scattered. That baby never goes anywhere without me, and if he does, I only entrust him to a person who I know will look after baby as their sole center of focus. To put it simply, I look for that person who is always smitten with baby like I am, and who does nothing else that spoil him rotten and get worried sick about his having a running nose, now that one I can trust! Problem is, there are not many of those, and especially in a bus full of tiny tots and 3 teachers going to heaven knows where! That’s right folks, I have no idea where the quorum is headed to! I tried extracting that info from the teacher some weeks ago, but she ducked my question with they have not yet finalized on the logistics as yet. Today in the morning, I asked the same question, and she used all manner of ways to avoid the question, I let it slide for 2 reasons, one, because I knew and understood that their failing to give us the info is because they are scared we will complain that the money we were contributing was a tad too much, which frankly is not true (the complaining bit, but the money bit I suspect is), and that act is plain insensitive! That info is crucial to me as a parent, and that small walking tot is the only proof that my ovaries are actually active, and my products are admirable! Second reason why I didn’t pursue the topic was because, if I had gone on, I would have raised my voice, dangerously. I was nervous damnit! So nervous I almost didn’t let him go for the trip. What with all the stuff happening on our roads today? But worse is because I read two stories in the Daily Nation yesternight, one about a girl named Diana who survived the Msongari school accident by miracle, and the 2^nd about two boys talking about their newly found drive to do well in school after the Kisii school bus accident! You guessed right, I barely slept, thinking about the whole crap. But the devil is a liar, shindwe!

That’s not the only reason I am stuck at one place the whole time. My boyfriend (is he still?) was into taking me out for lunch, which he cancelled to Friday (I think).  So next in line, I slotted my friend who has been into I visit him for so long, but I have been putting it aside because the last time I went, which was a long time ago, he only had rum in his house for a drink, and he didn’t think trying to get ‘friendly’ was any issue. Anyway, he has been very good to me lately, by very good I mean really in touch with my life and taking actions which are seriously working for me, so I felt I owed him one, I would just have to find a way of gently letting down his ‘too friendly’ gestures. Problem here is, yesterday I went shopping! Yes, you got that right. I haven’t had much money in my account but I knew my salo was in and the side jobs I had been engaging in were supposed to be paid about today. So I went to the atm and chucked some not so much amount of money. After spotting too many things which piqued my interest, I kept going back to the atm, once and again, until I had what I wanted.  So here I am, getting ready to go see my friend and somehow engage myself and my thoughts to stop thinking about the school trip, then on reacting to a 6^th sense, I check, using my phone, the amount of money in my account. Believe it or not guys, I had KES 95 remaining! Yes I am serious, less that 1 sok!  I immediately fished out my laptop and modem and went straight to check on my payslip. The payslip was there alright, but instead of showing my account details, it was written cheque, everywhere. Of course I was raving mad when I called up the salary processing idiots at scan group. They informed me, and not too kindly either, that I had not completed clearing from the damn company. That is when I remembered that while clearing, I informed them, a bit too arrogantly, that I was still an employee until end month and was therefore still entitled to the medical benefits, and therefore, I would not be surrendering my card lest I get sick before end of month!

Today I have some work actually, and in no mood to do it until my baby shows up at the door, I can’t move around because, you guessed right. I used everything I withdrew yesterday, and about the other job, I still haven’t seen the money and I don’t want to pressure that guy lest he thinks I am a desperate one, which in actual sense, I am right now! Aaaahhhh! Let me text him a gentle reminder, because anyway, I need some means to drop the damn medical card off tomorrow!

We just turned 4!

Today there was what I would like to call, the unraveling of lies, ladies and gentlemen, do not lie and not inform the others of your lies, or do not skip people who you and your friends know together from a party list, and not inform your friends about it, never goes down well.

My baby is 4! Yes, that’s right, I just took a complete u turn on what I was talking about, but fret  not, all these informations, you are going to get my dearies. So today baby hopped and jumped into number 4, boy, am I not excited! You would think there is something physical to show for it, for instance, he has an extra inch of height that he didn’t have yesterday! Anyway, for him, it was another unique day because mom brought packets of sweets, biscuits and a cake to school and the kids got to sing happy birthday. Well for me, it was a whole different sort of excitement. I took an hour off and went far off back with my thoughts. I remembered the fateful cold day 4 years ago, the way I had been in pain for the past 48 hours, had not slept a wink, had not even lied down, my feet were frozen from the cold and were numb from all the standing and carrying the extra many kgs of weight. I remember the searing pain I felt that day, feeling someone pick a pair of scissors and cut you up, and you are too much into pain, all you feel for being cut is a slight sting, you cannot compare the two pains, take it from me. Then I remember the sudden relief when the baby was finally free, the nap I took almost immediately, the feeling of breast feeding for the first time, the way I would not sleep at all for nights to come for fear that someone would come and take my baby. I remembered the many wonderful moments we had together those first months, taking care of this wonderful creation. I remember the setbacks that we went through, and I say a prayer of thanksgiving because truth be told, we have a reason to smile and thank God. I remembered baby’s first birthday and why it was so unique, the presence of my cousin who has always played the role of siz, the way baby attacked that cake with a knife, you would think he knew what he was doing. I remember babys second birthday, we didn’t make a cake, instead we took a break from all the noise and bustle of the estate and went for a day out. Baby’s third birthday was not the best, baby was away and mom could not travel to see him, she sent some stuff his way, but no photos were taken. Baby’s fourth birthday will be celebrated on Sunday, welcome you all.

I look beside me and watch his peaceful expression as he sleeps. It feels like he has been here forever!  Maybe it is because I started living the day he came to my life. Ladies and gentlemen, join me in wishing my baby a happy birthday, and whenever you are saying a prayer, say a thank you on my behalf.

Missed me? I wish someone can just shout aye! you guys do know that if you use a fake name, fake address and leave a comment, it still makes an undercover, because I can tell you've been snooping anyway. Do snoop though, very welcome.

Post Script: We did celebrate baby's birthday on Sunday. I would have posted a pic here but then, that would beat the whole undercover aspect, right? And believe it or not, I would like to be able to deny ownership of this page if ever required

Love exists

Once upon a tie, Mswaki wrote this down. He has been pestering me to publish something of his, even after giving the one major excuse that I barely have an audience here and his efforts might go unnoticed. Anyway, he armtwisted me and here we go:
Love is feeling something special for someone. You can't develop love for someone you do not know or for someone you have never met. Love is finding someone special from the masses, someone to comfort you when you are hard hit, someone who believes in you, someone who sees the potential in you, someone who shares the visions other people think are stupid, someone's whose thinking, though different from yours, tends to find a balance point, someone who understands your fears and tries to calm them, someone who sees your sensitive areas and respects them, someone who regards you special to them just like you regard them special to you. You fall in love with that someone because it is hard to find someone who conforms to those rules, given as the way, each one of us is unique. That is why, even if it is reproducing, you don't reproduce with every woman out there, that is why you will leave a woman with your child and marry another one who has nothing to call yours. Love exists, I might not have found any, yet......I'm just saying, smile and the heavens might smile back and give you that someone special

The Egyptian...

A month ago, I met an Egyptian in a ma3. Please note that, a ma3. He sat next to me, he was going to spring valley. He did mention that his house neighbours the American Embassy… yes, lots of more crap. I had lost my phone just the previous day, so he wrote his number on a piece of paper and I promised to look him up, that is after spending the whole journey singing of how pretty I was and how much he would like to be given a chance to spoil me, really spoil me. (he must have said that like 13 times, you know I hate the number 13). Now, 2 things. First the meeting point. I don’t trust some people if I meet them in a Ma3, I mean if he was perfectly black and Luo or Luhya or any of the other kadhalika tribes of Kenya, hakungekuwa na wass. Lakini!... u stay there and continue labeling me a tribalist, mimi nina more important things to think about. 2^nd, I just don’t trust Egyptians,Lybians, Nigerians and …waitforit!.. Indians! I always imagine that they have taken too much chilli and their breath must surely stink of all those spices!

Anyway, ndio ujue nimeboeka, I am actually toying with the idea of calling that number! Been seriously toying with that idea for the last 2 days. Someone come and save me before its too late!

Post Script:
So I listened to some ill advice and used the number. Now we are so into each other we have even started planning our wedding! I'm sure that is what you would have expected to hear, right? well, very disturbing news ladies and gentlemen, my fears have been confirmed, we have a fake, con Egyptian in Kenya living in Spring Valley. (I have a feeling he is a servant such as a chef or something. Are Egyptians good cooks?). So how do I know this? we spoke on phone, and when we were done, there was a rather weird exchange of texts. Less than a minute after I placed my handset down, the texts started:

Conan: Can I come over to your house tomorrow?
Ladybird: Tomorrow will not be such a good day, I have appointments in town the whole day.
Conan: But you are my neighbour! I can please come tomorrow, everyday I thought I will see you, then my heart melted down.
(I swear, I am also struggling to understand that.)
Ladybird: As I told you, I cannot have you over tomorrow because I will be out most of the day. An idea here though, how about I pass by your place since it's right on my way?
Conan: mmmmhhhhh,I see. can I come in the morning? what time will you be leaving?
Ladybird: I am supposed to be in town by 10 am, it would be much easier to pass by yours as you are right on my way.
Conan: Till what time will you be in town?
Ladybird: Early evening, around 5 pm.
Conan: How is the baby?
(To clarify this, I was with my son on the day of the meeting.)
Ladybird: He's well.
Conan: I wanna see him KESHOO.
(No, the text was not in caps, did you read the piece I had on Chinedu? we deduced that he was so fake simply because he is a Nigerian who can speak fluent Swa! Now you see? I know, kesho is a simple word which anyone who has been in Nairobi for sometime could have picked up, but I am  not giving a space for explanations here, we are here to catch a thief, any little evidence is important!)
Ladybrd: That will not be possible as I will not be taking him with me.
Conan: Ok, Sunday I can come over to see him then.

Okay, tell me you guys are not worried for my safety right now! I just had to stop right there. Now this is what happens, I am going to look for the stupid 'clueless about dating' idiots who encouraged me to text and smack their asses! Kubaff! Going to get my sleep.

Wanna know where I live?

I realize that most of you have no idea of where I live, and frankly, I’m not so keen to spell it out to you blatantly. Something happened today though which I feel will give you a sense of where I live, and so here comes the most info you will ever get about my ‘home’.

So, today in the morning, I desperately needed airtime  worth KES 1000. As a normal human behavior, I started with the shop nearest to my house. He only had in stock airtime worth KES 20. That’s how my trip around the shopping centre started, seriously! I did a 360⁰ and finally this is what I carried to my house: 6 KES 100 airtimes, 4 KES 50 airtimes and 10 KES 20 airtimes. Mind you, all from different shops.

In this place, never bother to look for packed milk or Mala, we don’t stock such ‘unfresh’ stuff here, we get it straight from the cow!

Dare you stay in town past 2130 hrs even on a proper weekend, I say make sure you have your own ride or you have with you enough cab fare, and by enough, I do not mean KES 1000, seriously!

Anyway, this place might not be convenient, but I do get whatever I want somehow, so I’m staying put!

Now you know I don’t live in Kayole, Umo, Mlolongo, Githurai… and I have never kid myself at any point that you guys think I come from upstate areas such as Valley Arcade or Kitusuru or or or…

A detailed recap

Sometimes you are lucky to come across a person with whom you share something so deep and special, and I have had the honor of having that. I am not here to brag though, not at all. Infact, my special ended, sometime back, and I know many have experienced a death of something special so I am not here to waste your time with my tears either. The reason I am here is because I feel there is unfinished business between us, and that we are not us anymore, not because we were such a bad match, but because so much between us was never said. I feel the need to keep my end of the bargain by speaking out, and because it’s likely that I will never have a chance to meet and express myself, here I am, pouring my sentiments to you ..., and any of your visitors who cares to listen.

He was so rugged, unshaved, rough… he was tall, huge, and disturbingly handsome, he was nothing short of a mini god. He over and over again managed to take my breath away. His eyes so sharp, it’s like he could see right through me. I kept talking and talking, and he was such a good listener. That was day 1 of meeting him. By the end of the day, I felt completely overwhelmed, I laughed so hard, I talked a lot, revealed too much, I touched, we held hands, I hang on to his arm, I leaned on him for support, everything you would think about in a fantasy, (without the 2 extremely intimate activities), all of it happened on that first day.

Over time, things got better. We could talk all day long, I listened to him talk about his victories proudly, pride that I found so appealing. I listened to him talk about his life, as I talked about mine. We met, unfortunately, not as often as I would have wanted. We kissed, stripped, slowly made love, then fast, then again, and again and again, I lost count. It was the same each time we met, magical. We matched so well, our hands fit together so well, our love making, our climaxes so spontaneous. We would bundle up in each other’s arms, sleep a bit, talk a bit, tease a bit, look deep into each other’s eyes, kiss, tease, make love, sleep, talk, kiss tease, make love…later we would park by the road side and talk for hours until it was time for me to leave.

He taught me so much, to persevere, to love life, to have fun, to read, to write, words, cool words, hard words, dirty words, about cars and most importantly music. He loves music and everything music. He taught me to take life lightly, he wrote about me, and I saved it. I had dreams and fantasies and I shared them. I built our house in my head, I saw our little ones…

As heavenly as it was in my head, things did not turn out so well in real life. We barely met, we took our jokes and teasing too far. We took what we had for granted. I was scared, and acted as such, and it was not good. He became a bit tense too, withdrawn, our not so close meetings drifted further, we fought more, lied too much… our relationship died a natural death.

The magic is not dead though. I still think of him all the time, I have tried moving on, meeting other guys, but none compares. I wish he knew how special he was to me, he still is. The way it ended, so abruptly. I never got a chance to tell him how good he made me feel, how proud I was whenever I hang on him arm as we walked across town, how restless I was whenever I anticipated meeting him, how free I felt whenever he sat across me listening to my never ending tales, how good he looked as he looked deep in my eyes  trying to study me, how each sight of him made me a little more helpless than I was before, how self conscious I felt each time we sat to chat after a whole day of wild love making, how his name was the song of my heart…so much to tell him.

I also wish to tell him a number of things I regret. How I regret not standing up to his lies, how I regret not making more demands to meet more often, how I regret letting the teasing and jokes get out of hand, how I regret my inability to express myself and my feelings to him, how I regret not taking time to assure him, to tell him that I saw the dark cloud that he was hiding from me, to tell him that he need not have kept me away, that I longed to share in his miseries, make it all ok, that he needed not drown his sorrows every weekend in poisonus waters, because I was here for him, willing to listen and willing to walk it with him, willing to be there for him till he healed of all his wounds to a point no scar remained, even if it meant that would be my work for the rest of my life, (especially because that is what I really wanted, to be his fall back for the rest of our lives), I regret not taking control of the relationship, because even the bible says that a woman is the driver in a relationship, I regret not asking kindly that he not give up on me, to understand my silence, to recognize my fears, like he did (Yes he asked me not to give up on him). I regret so much.

I wish to tell him that I LOVE him, I love him right, left and centre. And that if he could only take that risk with me all over again, I would make it worth his while, I would take control of what we have and lead him to his Eden.

Thank you for listening.

Leaving in peace!

You simply do not know what love is.

You do not do things that hurt the one you love over and over again

You do not go out and have fun when the one you love is hurting because of your actions.

You do not make rough and unfair decisions to cut the one you love out of the most important days.

When you are in love, you rarely see any mistakes in the other person, leave alone finding mistakes where there are none.

When you are in love, you do not sit and watch your loved one and their kid suffer while you do nothing to help, even if it means returning a kind hand that was extended to you with utmost love by the same people.

What I am saying is, you use the word love wrongly, you have no idea what it is or what it stands for. The day that you will be able to, please take that girls hand, the one who has finally shown you the way, and put a ring on it. I am not that girl though, I am too weak, and my heart is not big enough for such a challenge.

Right now, it really doesn't matter anymore, not even remotely.

The many faces of happiness

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I had a good day today (Saturday). This I feel the need to inform you because, given what was going on yesterday, then it was highly unlikely that today would turn out to be anything near good.

So much happened yesterday, starting with an aptitude test, where some of the candidates completed 10 minutes before time, while I did not even get to look at the last 2 pages. Ask with me, huh?! Now, that was just the beginning of a terrible day. 2 breakups, (I will explain that later, I promise I am not a langa), going to the ATM only to find out (shockingly!) that I had no money, and lastly, my boss together with the hr manager decided that I was doing a lot of nothing there as I awaited my leave, so they could as well give me the extra one week as leave. I know they meant well but wtf?! Do you need lessons on how easy it is to make a girl feel unwanted?

You are not surprised therefore that today I woke up and resisted any sense to stand up and do something, anything that was important. So I played Mahjong titans on my machine until 11 am, that’s when it hit me that life has to go on, especially where my money was concerned. I mean, I have no power to change the way people think about me,(ok, I know I do, I can change my attitude and the way I relate to people, but life is too short to spend it pleasing idiots, some of whom are idol worshipers, as my colleague calls them. And yes, that’s me pouring bile, it’s not like I ever claimed to be someone good, and if I did, then that was pure bullshit, which hopefully you fell for). But my money is exactly that, my money! That is stuff I can control and I needed to go out there and find the ass who was playing around with my hard earned dimes. I also had a first date with a guy I met on a social site, and who I thought was worth a shot.

I had a quick shower but took some time to choose what to wear. I then grabbed my handbag and before I left, I had a monologue with my house help on how she can prepare a decent meal from what we already have in the house, given as how I was penniless after a full 3 days of my bank playing tricks on me. When I got to town, the banking halls had been closed off as it was already past midday and on a Saturday. All the same, I got some bank official who I thoroughly harassed. I came to realize that I was not the only one with these issues, almost all the customers were complaining. That’s the problem of dealing with low class banks, but then I needed a bank with no charges, I could not take any more deductions on my salary which already was barely enough. So after printing a mini statement which to my dismay showed that each time I had attempted to withdraw money and failed in those past 3 days, the same amount was deducted hence my being without money. I angrily approached this officer and she explains that they have been having issues with their systems since Tuesday! She did assure me that the transactions would be reversed, but which bank messes up its systems for almost a week now? Where the hell am I supposed to get survival money if my account reliably informs me that I have absolutely no money?

That solved, I went on to meet this new man, and since he was not feeling very well, I have to go to his house. Usually, that would scare me, but today I felt I had known this guy for quite a while and therefore had no business freaking out. His nephew, tall and handsome nephew, very tall, picked me up. He took me to this guys house and left. What I saw was anything but uplifting. It was a bit, no, a lot disappointing. This guy is short, (though he spared some few minutes later to explain why his much younger nephew was in all descriptions, tall and handsome, while he is short. He informed me that though he is short, the tallness genes are in the family n there was no need for me to worry).  He had a tummy that clearly was his source of direction.  Immediately after I arrived, he announced that he was hungry and ordered fries and chicken for us. Last time I had a decent phone, this guy sent to me a photo of his meal which was fries, chicken and a fried egg. When I went to throw the rubbish into the bin, I was met with other packages for fries. Seriously, how much fries does this guy eat?! My hopes had completely died. I wish photos would lie less, I would most likely never have appeared there had I known the guy was this short.

Anyway, later I met someone, and got something, and I won’t give details of that.  I could have washed my not so dirty linen here, but then I am not too sure there are no ghosts who know me watching me from the shadows, waiting to get evidence to bring about my downfall. I promised this blog will be for me to tell tales about my life, so about this one, I will tell, just not now, but when it officially becomes a tale. At that time, its also likely that I will not really care.

My lesson is that a day does not have to be ruined by the happenings of the previous day. Get your ass off the sofa and find some good ways of making your day rock, in this world, you are solely responsible for your happiness, and just like I will not die poor (unless I die today), I’ll also not die sad, even if I die today!

Post script: I woke up today (Sunday) and wrote an update to my best friend (text message), she who has to know all the details of my screwed up life and of my screwing life. Anyway I thought the (not so) short text captured my episode quite well, so I will put it here and risk exposing myself to the ghosts referred to above.

‘So, tales from yesterday. The guy is short, with a pot bigger than Andrews (her boyfie), he’s quite unhealthy too, but what can we say of someone whose most meals are fries and chicken from the café downstairs! His young nephew from Strath is tall and so hot! To make myself feel much better, I looked for Roy (My really really good boyfriend, who I had neglected in search of wilder fantasies, I will explain some other time), n we had a good run with(out) protection. I’m feeling pretty good today’.