My Armature Perspective

I have come up to a conclusion that a nations’ outlook very much resembles that of its citizens, their habits, their attitude…

Now you guys know how I’m almost zero mattered when it comes to matters patriotism, politics and political parties, current happenings, business, constituency funds, oil in Turkana, famous people (including musicians)… I’m thinking you didn’t know. Be informed though, that’s true. I’m anything but bright when it comes to important matters. I find myself living a humble life (for lack of a better word, and no, the word is not ignorant). I know there is a minister for something but for the love of me, I have no clue of the name of whoever seats on the infamous seat. My thing is more of the emotional stuff, love, kids, hunger in the world, wars, heartless photographers like Kevin Carter and their tragic lives,  heartless fathers and mothers, illicit affairs, Tuju and the straying wife, Raila Odinga’s alleged castration at Nyayo house, fictional relationship columns in weekend newspapers, miracles and miracle babies, floods in Tana river and the likes of ‘serikali tafadhali’, the plight of Kenyan IDP’s, historical figures and Kadhalika. Don’t forget my most favourite websites, mysteries of the untold, or unsolved mysteries such as the Bermuda triangle and stories like the attack of US naval forces at pearl harbour. Now I don’t like not knowing, so I go around, ask some questions, and get to know a few things. But stuff happens so fast, I always find myself back tracking. So, given the way I’m so not into this stuff, whenever I come up with an  observation, you better know that I am right on that, because I have no time to sit down and analyze the complexities related to such matters. So my observations are very simple and very correct.

Now, back to the topic. I start with Nigeria as an example and finish with my beloved home country Kenya. Whenever Nigeria is mentioned, what comes to your mind is oil cartels, dirty deals, overcrowded streets, fake people or cons, all evil. Now, I don’t know many Nigerians, but the few who I know carry the legacy of their nation. Start with Chinedu ( I salute Akinyi for marrying that jamaa. If you can’t find love, find money, and fret not when you know the source of money. Whichever way, money is dirty and will land you in hell). So this guy; he’s a drug dealer, gets Kenyan officials held up in his polluted country, speaks fluent Kiswahili! (Can he become more fake?), is corrupt…everything his country is. Second man is pastor Ojig---whatever! Nigerians will never cease to amaze me. Why that guy decided Kenyan women are the most desperate beats me, separate me from this, I am anything but desperate. Besides, I believe Nigeria must contain more desperate women than any other country in the continent! Coming closer home. I became friends on a social site with a Nigerian, can’t recall his name right now. He apparently was a prophet or a pastor or something like that, not that he said so, I deduced that from the events that followed. One day at work, we are chatting with this jamaa, and he asks me how my baby was, to which I respond that he was ok. He then tells me that my baby was not okay, and then goes on to explain how he saw it in one of his prophetic states. Of course I did not believe him, but it didn’t help much that I did not trust the house help I had at the time. By midday, I was so uncomfortable. I left the office without informing anyone, only to go home and get my baby is safe and sound. It is more than two years later, but if you know you are Nigerian, step away from me, far far away from me!

Look at Tanzania. The country has been labeled 10 times more stable than my beloved country by the ‘experts’! Tanzania is a slow country, everything about them is lazy, from their currency which never grows, to their president who is so quiet I have only heard about him like twice. Their language is lazy and very very very respectful (to an annoying extent). Now, look at the people from Tanzania, they drag their feet, they open their shops at 10 am and close up at 4 pm, they are annoying respectful, they mind (a big deal) when Kenyans go to their soil but they have no guts to do anything about it. 80% of their students terribly failed their national secondary school exams, and they know no other songs besides their bongo flavor. Their parliament is docile (The only parliament I have never seen in the papers for all the wrong reasons). I would hate to have a Tanzanian husband, can you imagine that house! I would be tempted to beat him up, just to bring some action in the house!

Come down to South Africa! Now, we talk of wannabe anything, but if there is one wannabe state I know of is South Africa! Everything of theirs is an imitation of the western world, (behavior, lack of culture…). These guys have a KFC in the slums! Besides, I can give you free information that all wannabe Kenyans go to South Africa for their shopping! Like we don’t already have an overpriced Mr. Price in Kenya! Anyway, I haven’t exactly met any South Africans but from the stories I read, the wealthy and young of the nation whose lives are about parties are the symbol of that nation! I’m not judging by the way, I would exchange my life for theirs anytime, but because I am a poor kadame in Kenya, how else to express the bile in me for not being a part of this lifestyle! By the way, have you seen the Kenyan ex-South Africa students? If you are in Kenya and you have met this breed, then you definitely know what I am talking about.

I won’t touch on Somalis, those guys are shaped like a gun and they scare the hell out of me. I talk about Kenya, my beloved home country. Now I don’t know what you guys have heard about Kenya, but I will tell you about a typical Kenyan and you can relate. A Kenyan man is lower class poor, but he is determined and believes he will achieve. He does not sleep at night and will make deals with any soul, as long as he is promising some money. He will do anything to make it, and while the basic commodities are hard to get, a Kenyan man will not sleep hungry! How now! Unless you guys don’t have a phone I can snatch and a ready market for it! Kenyans are believers, please differentiate believers with holy people. They know there is a maker who should be served, and they try, but that’s about it. Life has to go on, despite our maker saying we should not do some things. A Kenyan will sell his soul to the devil for a good price, then pray in the evening for forgiveness. A Kenyan will take loans from  the bank, from the sacco, the chama, from a friend etc, all of which will not help him much because he will use it to buy laptops for class one pupils.. ooops! I meant to say nice sofa sets for his half decent house other than put it to good use. There is one thing though that makes me proud to be a Kenyan. A Kenyan is ahead of everything, he knows when Obama wants to visit the bathroom and he believes he has an opinion to that! He is techno savvy, and will be present in every other social site portraying himself to have 12 times what he actually has! He is very stubborn, but sexy stubborn! You think you will dictate to a Kenyan not to do something? He will do exactly what you asked him not to do, just because he can. He needs you, but if for an instance you think he will kiss your ass for it, you got another thought coming, unless of course, his life and that of his kids depends on it. In which case, he will kiss ass but will eternally be ashamed of it and will hate you with a passion.

What I know though is a Kenyan will not sleep hungry, he is mean and has a foul mouth, greedy and will not hesitate to con you of a few coins. But as a Kenyan woman, I won’t get another man to be the man of my house, and if I do, then that is what I call marrying for money reasons!

That is also the reason why I love my boyfriend to bits despite him being a complete ass. He is one ass I will declare love for publicly.

Talking of my boyfriend, as I told you, this guy is super brilliant. It is on his blog that I came across the word BOGOF, and like always, I like to steal complicated words. This one though, I had no idea what it meant, but I stole it none the less and I taught it to my baby and my house help. Within a short time, it became a favourite in my house, we would refer to each other as BOGOFs.  One day , the word slipped as I was talking to a friend, and he happened to know the meaning. Now talk of a brilliant friend. I am proud to admit that this one, I had interest in at one point kitambo, though he eluded me. What I’m saying guys is, I have an eye for brilliance! This last paragraph is not at all useful, sorry you had to go through it.