Letter to Ex

Dear Ben,

By now you are used to me writing letters to you, so no need for pleasantries. Read on.

You are right, I have been thinking long and hard about you, but before that gets into your head, you need to listen to Jordan Spark’s ‘Don’t let it go to your head’, it applies most appropriately here.

I will make this short and precise, because that is what you are in my mind right now, short and precise. From our last conversation, you asked me when we will be meeting next, though in not such good language. Let me inform you that I was not impressed with the answer I gave to you; ‘you tell me’? really? Clearly I become a blabbering idiot whenever I talk to you. But I have accepted that you have the effect on me, and I’m moving on, not by removing the effect, but by ignoring it, consciously.

So this letter is to give you my response, and tell you a little something more, just a little. After that conversation, it was clear that my response should have been ‘do we still do that’? coz that is what kept ringing in my head. Right now though, my response is ‘Please dude!’ okay, replace dude with idiot, that was meant for courtesy to my other fans, but then, I realize that you don’t deserve it. So my response is, where the hell have you been for the last 3 months (precisely)? And what the hell has your other headed body part been up to? I know your crappy answer, too busy and chips do not appeal to me anymore. Save it, I want you to show me a guy who has a perfectly capable girlfriend but who chooses to go for 3 months without! I might have been listening to your bullshit, but I hope you never lied to yourself that I swallow it. You must know by now that I am not as dramatic as you thought I was, in fact, I do anything to avoid it, hence my playing a dumb idiot with you.

Let me put it to you this way, the next time you ever, and I mean ever, get into my pants, you will have to start dating me, date me properly and wait for a full three month term. When I speak about dating, do not lie to yourself that you will just make that decision and just start. Let me not bullshit you on that, you will undergo the same criteria with the rest of them out there. You will be rated as per competition and trust me, right now, your ratings have a very negative edge to them, so you will have to do better than your usual. Don’t forget there will be explaining of your activities for the past 3 months, and that better be credible.

I will give you facts as they are, I leave the lies to you, you are the expert. So yes, I have been hang up, no one has come around to near replacing you, but brag not, for I am not a desperate damsel seated somewhere waiting for my prince charming to come save me from your (frog’s) jaws. I am out on a mission to look for a man, and I will get him, and he will be better than you. Mark those words. It won’t take long either, mark that too. I am also going to get me sexually satisfied, and I can’t wait for 3 months, take that as you will.

Let me mention, you do not have to do any of the above, because what I know right now, is you do not have to come back, in fact, I doubt that we can ever be back. If you think that will have an impact in my life, you got another thought coming. I will tell you, suit yourself, do as you wish. I am out!

Signed

Ladybird

The occasional mind wander

So today I found myself thinking about living with my boyfriend, that is, as my husband. Contrary to what you think, us ladies don’t think about that for every man, and if someone lied to you about that, well then maybe you are the type to be lied to. But let me speak for myself, I don’t always think about a man as my husband, like picture real situations, unless there is something I like about that man, something that I have found out is very rare, only these days though. Back then there was a lot to like, or I was a more likeable person, or both. Anyway, before you wonder which boyfriend this is, the one and only one I always wax lyrical about. Well, we have not yet established what name to give each other, so since there was no proper ‘I am no longer your boyfriend / girlfriend’ talk, he can go by the same title but only so that I can find an easy reference word when it comes to talking about him, which I will do a lot in this post (or I have done almost entirely since I started writing this blog),and frankly there is no one else who has come close enough to the title, speaking of which, is it because I live in the ‘leafy suburbs’  or are handsome guys nonexistent nowadays? Seriously! This one I met many many months ago and then… none! Dry spell. Come on guys, you cannot seriously tell me that there is not one huge,  (and by huge I mean normal big boned) guy who possesses the arrogance of 10 men put together and who lies sentence after sentence, and mind you, the lying is not to make you feel good! Now that I trailed off the subject and I am too far away, I might as well inform you of something I saw, or rather, was the topic in Matatu fm, but I was not exactly listening, I just read Mainas’ status for the day. So apparently, being a single mother to a baby boy seriously minimizes your chances of finding a life partner! Such messages should never reach me, very disturbing. Worse is the fact that lately I have been seeing more signs of me ending up single than married a lot, and I don’t like them. If you do not know this by now, be informed that there is nothing I hate more than the thought of living alone.  It’s not like it scares me, no, not at all. I have lived alone for the past 28 years, so I don’t see anything that should scare me, given that I have never experienced anything else. No guys, I just really hate the thought. I wish, and this guys, is not just a wish, it’s a fervent prayer, that I get married, properly. Wedding, rings, a baby (or two), and a happily ever after because if I ever get married, there never will be a divorce. That you can quote me on, for a person who has spent her entire life thinking of this situation and having experienced none, and having heard tales of why things happen, I know what I am talking about. Currently though, my prayer has become God give me a husband who if it’s not Ben, looks like him. Some days ago, it was like, God, I want to get married, to Ben. May your will be done, but in that category, only if your will is Ben. (Btw, it just hit me that someone here might think I am referring to a Ben they know about. No guys, that’s just a name I give to my boyfriend, not his real name but one that he prefers when it comes to aliases). True, I value good looks, I believe that’s the start to anything. I mean, before I give you a chance, I have to like looking at your face and making conversation to it, right? Well, apparently some girls don’t date handsome guys. In reference to what a close pal of  mine said once, you should date a not handsome guy (in avoidance of bad words), because they will value you, do anything for you and cling to you like you are life itself, brag with you to their friends and make you feel like a queen.  Handsome guys are just trouble. That btw, so true! I have had my share of trouble, but then if they are not trouble, then where the hell is the challenge? You have no idea how much I fear a plain life, now that I fear because my life has rarely had any plain. If it’s not being a wayward child, it’s getting expectant while in school and an acting bible study group mother at that, it’s getting myself out of one job after another, its dating unsuccessfully, it’s getting saved then unsaved then not praying at all…talk about! And I keep wondering why nothing falls in place!

Back to the topic. So I can’t tell specifically what I was thinking about or how that came to be, so what I will do is trail my thoughts from where I started and see if I can come up with something useful. Be warned though that my thought process is quite skewed, I think faster that I can process and store the thoughts, so you might notice some skips, which you should not have a problem with because this is my vision damn it!

So there is this gal in his life that I so love, for the simple fact that she can stand up to his ass and can be really mean to him. Once she referred to ‘his bitches’, and that my dears, made me so happy. Probably it’s because I have never been able to fight the guy? I mean, it’s not like I lack the words or the situations, the guy is damn annoying, given a chance, standing up to him is the only thing I would do in this life. But faced with such level of hot! I mean, just how much anger and attitude can withstand such heat?! I know what you are thinking right now, that I love him for the wrong reasons. No guys, he is hot, and I will be damned if I don’t refer to it. After all, that is all that people on the street will notice, and any of my friends who can make a mistake of coming near him, because I doubt he has anything good to say. But then, there is more to him than his face, body and cargo! Really, there is real and worthy content. I promise to do a post on what I find attractive in that guy soon.

So anyway, I remembered the ‘your bitches’ episode, and I was excited. I started imagining situations that would make me stand up to this guy in such fashion! And you guys wonder why I would like to spend the rest of my life with this guy? Simply to do such stupid things, hehe. If the standing up to him will ever happen, then it will have to happen in marriage, I mean, currently I find it hard not to just stand beside him and become a dump stammering blond! Seriously guys, I struggle to maintain composure with this guy, eti I struggle to even talk normally unless I have spent the night with him and have had a chance to normalize the situation and the runny feelings. Who can even imagine that! Me, unable to talk like a parrot! I figured that the only time I will be able to stand up to this guy is way into the marriage, like 1 year or so into it. I mean, let’s face it, this guy is stupidly annoying, not habits, hapana, words and sentences that come out of his mouth. Sometimes it’s all I can do not to tape his mouth up! So I figure, just how much of this annoying can I stand? After one year of marriage, I definitely will have to give in to the urges of standing up to the man, right?

So I pictured the situation, how it will happen. First, I have to make sure it is justified. I will avoid all communication channels during the day, every day, simply because I would want to have peaceful days and anything coming from him will make the day anything but peaceful. So how will I do this? First, I quit going to the social sites the day we say ‘I do’, so no more chit chatting, afterall we are both updated on how the other is, to a more than decent extent. Second, I will make sure that I have done everything that concerns him right, be it ironing his shirts, putting his socks together, and making sure that his underwear is in place and his breakfast is good and ready on time. This will make sure that I do not get a call from him, or even a text message, and if I do, it has to be a matter of urgency or a request or a plan… Many will wonder why I would avoid communication with my husband. Well, knowing the man as much as I do, you will understand that I would not want to start a war during the day, given the fact that each evening I will be going to face him anyway and he is going to romp my goodies away whether I want to or not and there is nothing I can do because he has rights to the goodies anyway! Don’t get me wrong, I love making love to this guy, I do it the whole day, nonstop, and I know he knows. So given that every situation is taken care of and I have avoided getting to his wrong side, then the guy goes ahead and does what he does best, annoys me, tell me dear friends, what will stop me from standing up to him, and happily so? See where my endless tales were leading?

That’s it ladies and gentlemen. For once I am in the house on a Friday and I am liking it.