Letter to Ex

Dear Ben,

By now you are used to me writing letters to you, so no need for pleasantries. Read on.

You are right, I have been thinking long and hard about you, but before that gets into your head, you need to listen to Jordan Spark’s ‘Don’t let it go to your head’, it applies most appropriately here.

I will make this short and precise, because that is what you are in my mind right now, short and precise. From our last conversation, you asked me when we will be meeting next, though in not such good language. Let me inform you that I was not impressed with the answer I gave to you; ‘you tell me’? really? Clearly I become a blabbering idiot whenever I talk to you. But I have accepted that you have the effect on me, and I’m moving on, not by removing the effect, but by ignoring it, consciously.

So this letter is to give you my response, and tell you a little something more, just a little. After that conversation, it was clear that my response should have been ‘do we still do that’? coz that is what kept ringing in my head. Right now though, my response is ‘Please dude!’ okay, replace dude with idiot, that was meant for courtesy to my other fans, but then, I realize that you don’t deserve it. So my response is, where the hell have you been for the last 3 months (precisely)? And what the hell has your other headed body part been up to? I know your crappy answer, too busy and chips do not appeal to me anymore. Save it, I want you to show me a guy who has a perfectly capable girlfriend but who chooses to go for 3 months without! I might have been listening to your bullshit, but I hope you never lied to yourself that I swallow it. You must know by now that I am not as dramatic as you thought I was, in fact, I do anything to avoid it, hence my playing a dumb idiot with you.

Let me put it to you this way, the next time you ever, and I mean ever, get into my pants, you will have to start dating me, date me properly and wait for a full three month term. When I speak about dating, do not lie to yourself that you will just make that decision and just start. Let me not bullshit you on that, you will undergo the same criteria with the rest of them out there. You will be rated as per competition and trust me, right now, your ratings have a very negative edge to them, so you will have to do better than your usual. Don’t forget there will be explaining of your activities for the past 3 months, and that better be credible.

I will give you facts as they are, I leave the lies to you, you are the expert. So yes, I have been hang up, no one has come around to near replacing you, but brag not, for I am not a desperate damsel seated somewhere waiting for my prince charming to come save me from your (frog’s) jaws. I am out on a mission to look for a man, and I will get him, and he will be better than you. Mark those words. It won’t take long either, mark that too. I am also going to get me sexually satisfied, and I can’t wait for 3 months, take that as you will.

Let me mention, you do not have to do any of the above, because what I know right now, is you do not have to come back, in fact, I doubt that we can ever be back. If you think that will have an impact in my life, you got another thought coming. I will tell you, suit yourself, do as you wish. I am out!

Signed

Ladybird