Ladies, let us ask

Ben is in my life... again! That was a disclaimer by the way, for all those who do not like Ben stories or those who think I am another stupid crazy cow. But today it is not about Ben, today it is about me and my inability to talk, to voice what is in my head. Let me tell you how bad this weakness is, this guy is in my life and I do not know what on Earth to call him; boyfriend, exboyfriend, future husband, hot man of my fantasies, man stuck in my head, just another hot dude??? see what I mean?!

This will not last long though, simply because I have made a resolve to ask. I will ask for what he envisions for us, is there an us in the first place? does he harbour any visions of an 'us' 5 years to come? who is second to me in this line who also calls him and her an 'us'? or who am I second to? what is the chance for our 'us' as compared to their 'us'? how can he rate his willingness to work and sacrifice for this 'us' to remain 'us' for good? is he willing to in the first place? that is a qualitative guide by the way.

I will tell you why I need these questions answered. I believe in happiness as a God given human right. You deserve to be with the one you love and one who loves you back, nothing short. So this is what I am getting, my right; and since I am blind to speech through action, or what is called 'action speaks louder than words" I will ask damnit! let us decide on how to do this together, right? let us decide if we both want each other, do it on a clean slate, ama? Once again (not sure its a once again), I can confirm to you that having feelings for someone is an art you learn, and if having these feelings naturally will not be reciprocated, then its only fair that one is informed early enough so as to allocate time to learn that art for someone else, I have a feeling it takes some time. I am intentionally generalizing here for the sake of all other ladies, a wish for myself is that I won't have to do the learning, but the process will come naturally because I am with one I loved naturally.

Let me get something right, I am not complaining about Ben. How can I? he has been at his best lately, he is the apple of my eye, and by apple, I mean that red, heart shaped image throbbing with love that is filling my vision space. I still love him just like before. And now I feel like I am doing an advertisement. So I will stop by telling you that no, I got not issues with Ben, I was just displaying my weaknesses and showing you my remedy or approach process to solving them. I feel like pulling one of those song of songs 'you are my lily in the midst of thorns' poems for Ben and putting them somewhere for him. Anyone who can advice on the ideal place and time?

Thank you my lovelies.