Betrayal of Real Love

I must have missed a lot of love while growing up, else,  why am I so scared of tenderness? Why am I an addict of unforgiving, unfair, enslaving sort of love? I'm finding it so hard to accept this overflowing kindness from a gentleman, I feel like I do not deserve it. Instead it's like I'm trying to run after my past, and the madharau I'm being shown while at it! I pray God gives me the strength, and instils in my heart the ability to accept real love. Thinking about it, it's no wonder I don't even know how to accept God's love for me! When ever do effects of childhood leave you?