Karma is real, and she is a total bitch, that I agree, and I
choose to tell you why. Now, as you probably know by now, I have not had many
people stay long enough in my life to qualify to be called proper ‘exes’, as
most of the time, what happens is a short 2 to 3 months stint and off the
person goes. (Not that there are so many of those either, but when something
happens in a similar pattern for more than 3 times, then it deserves some
scrutiny, and a mention, right?), well, moving on. Before you pass me off as a
completely written off piece, I have to inform you that, actually, 3 men have
had the lucky chance of being called my ‘exes’, the qualification criteria for
each being different. Make it 4, I just remembered a blast from the past which
I have absolutely no business forgetting. That one though, I won’t discuss in
detail, he was my high school sweetheart, the one who broke my virginity in
form 2 at the age of 16. The only interesting bit about that is that, he
tricked me into the whole thing. I was reporting back to school, and as many of
you know, opening days in high school are the days to meet the boyfriend. He
sweet talked me, took me to his keja and needless to say, I did it purely out
of fear, absolute terror, I don’t know what for. He used a cd, and all the way
to school, I thought I was so smelly everyone could tell. (There was no shower
of course; there was no way I was going to his parents’ bathroom and risk being
seen). The pain, and the one term I spent sleepless nights worried that I
could be pregnant kept me from ever doing that again till I completed school,
and way into college, and with a proper boyfriend this time round. So as you
can see, there was no more action from this one relationship, hence very little
to tell.
So I was talking about Karma, and this is how, the bitch, in
form of very hot soup served in a dish, came to exercise her works into my
life. So in college came my first (2nd if you wish) boyfriend. He
had all the good intentions, proposed 3 times, and each of those times I had an
excuse. See, I can’t say I didn’t love my boyfriend, I did, a lot in fact. But
the marriage idea was just not into me, I was 19, and was too much in love with
me. Sometime in 2005 (September to be precise), I had to report to campus. It
was good at first, I was this very loyal girlfriend. The same year, my boyfriend left the country,
but called religiously to remind me that our very bright future was being shaped
and I should be resilient. Anyway, to cut the long story short, I fell in love
with another guy, a class mate (this, guys, was real love, I swear). Which led
me to leaving my boyfriend for him. 3 months later however, and I was
forcefully drinking Karma for my daily meal. (I got thin in one week, my
trousers could not hold without a belt, and here someone is telling me to take
lemon to get the same effect). Not only did my new boyfriend leave, but he left
with one of my closest friends. I would see them holding hands and want to slit
my wrists. My friends nicknamed her, and I officially became the most insecure
woman planet Earth has ever produced. Now I can’t say I’m better since then, I
think I’m much worse because now, the bitterness has turned into this need to
matchet chase any person who I happen to have the slightest feelings for.
Seriously guys, you can’t just love me and have me love you back., For me, it
is really complicated. You have to go through a series of tantrums after which,
if you make through, then you will love this girl. Up to this day, no one has
made through, and clearly, no one is likely to.
This experience taught me a hoard of things; one, to never
leave a boyfriend for another. I make it better, I do not leave a boyfriend at
all, if I don’t feel you, I slowly fade into oblivion, which I have a feeling
is much worse. Second, resilience my friends, the need to be hard as a stone. Eti
you think you are having problems and you can’t understand why the world is
against you? Wait till the sun shines tomorrow, you will get a load of shit on
your front door, and you’ll have to deal with it, otherwise wait and die basi.
Now, given these tough lessons, and the amount of energy I
put just so not to give Karma another lesson to kick my ass, I happen to fall
in love with another man, this time, a man who fucks with my brain more than
any other part of my body. A man who I can frankly say, I saw for only 6 times
in a span of 3 months, don’t forget, we were dating, and we were okay. So, this
man leaves, and unlike other exits where I seem not to feel anything, this one
is full of emotion, I had to remove him from my chatlist because I can’t stand
seeing him and not talking to him. And before I click remove, I cry some, ‘I’m
sorry baby, sorry that I have to do this, but it’s the only way to forget you.’
So my question is, ladies and gentlemen, just what part did I wrong Karma this
time round, to deserve to have this one taken away from me? For once, someone that I truly cared about,
cared about what he was doing on a weekend, cared about which gal was a bit too
close, gave a thought about our future, what now? What did I do now?
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