This is ME!

Ok, I thought it right to tell you a little bit about myself, it’s just rude to bust in here in the blogospace and go on and on like I was born here. This is a brief (and broad) story about me, because you can’t handle all of it at once, and also because, I can’t bring it all up from the archived part of my brain at once. I’ll put it in form of a list.

1.       My childhood was fairy ok, I would like to think my parents loved each other  - since they slept on the same bed – but well, the events of life might have proved me wrong on that one. They separated when I was around 3, I can’t really tell my exact age then, and my mom has never bothered to explain.

2.       So, a single parented child you think? Well, as it turns out not so much! I was brought up by my lovely grandparents, that after my dad disappeared to only g.. knows where and my mom moved to another big town to try and make ends meet. My big bro (I’ll elaborate), once in anger said, she (mom) went to play ‘city girl’, sssshhhhh… Don’t say I said that, I still hate him for saying that. I understand she did what she had to do, and I know she loved me to bits, because I remember she bought me a dress work KES, 1000! For those who do not understand what I am on about, that was too much money to spend on a kid’s dress back then. Heck!  It’s still a big deal this day, given my most expensive dress cost me kedo KES 700. (That’s not true, I should have said my most expensive dress currently. If we talk of ever, that amount will turn to be KES 2,700). I know you are rich, we all are not, please come back from the reverie. I’m not looking for pity, neither am I using my blog to source for alms. I’m too proud and independent, and I do harbor big dreams which I promise will come to pass in the near future, and I’ll be here to tell you about it. I don’t know how we got to this point, back to the list.

3.       Because of my very active childhood (I don’t envy those who consider to have had a better childhood), I have 4 scars that proudly tell of my story.

• a.         A burn on my elbow, I fell in an open fire (you know, my grandma’s where you use firewood and all), when I was 3, as I tried to make fire and whoever was supposed to be watching me was….that’s to tell you I don’t know.
• b.      On my thumb,I almost chopped the damn thing off while trying to 'chonga' sugarcane. Yes we had sugarcane and we still have very very sweet sugarcane. That is, my grandparents have them.
• c.       Somewhere near my left leg knee is a scar from a  a bicycle accident. In my childhood crew, I happened to be the only gal and was therefore exposed to such boyish activities. (Please. remember this bit, I might refer to it some time, if I ever decide to explain why I never bled when I broke my virginity!). That day, it happened that the bike had zero brakes, and yes, I knew the bike was faulty!
• d.      How do you call that part of the leg now? Check the drawing. So, my uncle was using a sharp pointed tool used to dig up sweet potatoes, (I frankly don’t know what’s it’s called), to harvest avocados and I was right under the tree. So the ‘thing ‘ fell and pierced right through my foot. To put it simply coz I know I’m incoherent like that, it’s like using a pin tack to stick a paper on a board. Yes, my foot was stuck to the ground like that! Forgive my English, I promise to correct the above once my mind can form a proper sentence. Anyway, that's scar no 4.
• e.      I have one on my arm. This I acquired as I attempted a makeshift shower in my granny’s bathroom, by pulling a pipe and hanging it on a nail on one wall. If you are surprised, such actions were commonest, I guess you can attribute them to my company as described in c. above.
• Those are five, frankly, there are many more and I’m proud of them. Of course I cover them up when going for a date, you don’t want to look like a freak in this town where most ‘Men’ – and I use this term loosely – grew up on fast food and spent most of their childhood time watching cartoons and playing ‘kati’.

4.       I broke my virginity at the age of 16. Since then I’ve had one proper boyfriend and many ‘passersby’. I know I promised to reveal my darkest secrets, but even I am not that dump to reveal that number to you.

5.       As a teenager, I escaped from home 4 times. The last time was the most memorable because on one of those days, as we were out with my ‘friends’ who had harbored me, I got confused for a whore and got arrested. Well I did not spend the night, they managed to get me out. But anyone who has had the chance to be handled by Kenyan cops knows what I went through. Of course I vowed never to escape from home again, and I haven’t to this day J.

6.       I have one degree and one diploma I have no idea how I acquired the diploma, this as I can count the number of times I appeared in class for the 1+ years

7.       I am a proud mother of a 3+ year old boy (turning 4 in a month’s time), who is so bright such that, if I ever considered myself bright, then clearly I overrated myself. The boy does real math! And he’s only in middle class. By the time I did such math, I must have been in std. 4, Kenyan 8-4-4 system. Story about the dad will come another day.

8.       I have a boyfriend, I’m not sure if he’ll transform into a proper boyfriend or he’ll turn out to be another time waster, but this one, I can say I love him. That is assuming I know what the heck love is. I just know that he makes me feel stuff that, if I had a choice, I would never feel. Also, whenever he goes quiet, which he does often, I miss him, get irritated (like I am now), feel lost and finally succumb to the pressure and call him. This time though, I promise, I won't call him, swear!

9.       I am 28 (In all honesty), and I intend to get married by 30, or stay alone

10.   I don’t make much money, but I’ve learnt to live according to my means, and of course I have big plans for baby ‘s and my future.

11.   I do not have any idea how to be a lady feels like, I have never been one, owing to the fact that most of the habits 'ladyish' have been as alien to me as anything only seen on telly. I would like to believe though that I am a proper female (actually that I am, if you don't believe me, ask the countable passersby of my life, I'm yet to hear a complain), who lives her life maximally. I know I'm happy!

12.   I'm not a fan of alcohol, at least not the hard whisky/vodka (I hate the smell and taste). I don’t take wine either (Atleast not what I've been exposed to, which is very limited). I am ok with an occasional Snapp or Black ice. Don’t shy away from going out with me, I  do not need alcohol to behave like a possessed person.

13.   I’m a tad oversize, but I am pretty with a full African figure (read big boobs that I just so love!). I’ve tried to cut my weight severally but wapi! You can give your advice, just don’t tell me to not eat biscuits. If you promise to give me something to eat which will remove the fats from my body, I promise to. (By the way, how comes no one has come up with such poison as yet?)

14.   I’m a lost person, but I take my responsibilities seriously and my baby is my reason to live.

Haya, there, to keep you engaged for a while. That is, hoping you’ll come by at all!