My Agony Issue

I've been away, I know, I apologize.


There are times when I think about my relationship and all I feel is utter joy, there are others, and few they are, when I think about it and I feel confused, stupid and ignorant, today is one of them, and as usual, those are the days you get to hear me rant.

Exactly a year ago, at a time like now, my boyfriend Ben, knew where I lived, knew my son,and practically knew almost all aspects of my life. Now, a year later, and 2 months shy of our second anniversary, I'm yet to step foot in my Ben's house, neither have I ever met his wonderful daughter. I really have nothing much to tell you, given I'm writing this from the gym bathroom all nude, but I sure have a few questions:

1. What is it that stops him from showing me his home? Is it a) I'm far from the woman he intends to show his house, leave alone to live with in the house or b) he's simply doesn't want me to meet his daughter?
2. When will I meet his daughter, it has been more than 18 months of meeting my little boy
3. If meeting his daughter is the issue, which I won't judge because I understand too well of some recent private developments, then why can I not go at this point when she's out on holiday? Though that still sounds like shortchanging myself, it's much better than the current situation
4. What can change this situation, me requesting? Hope so, and hope it won't generate into those times when I'm accused of not appreciating the miles and efforts
5. Finally, is it that I'm completely in my own world and closing my eyes to the obvious or am I experiencing a unique situation in my relationship, even I know the latter sounds unlikely.

Truth be told, I'm in this relationship because I want to and not because I need to, but I cannot close my eyes to the very obviously out of place situations. So I will ask and be in the know, because Ben and I can do so much together, and enjoy so much of this relationship if things were clear and transparent.

This is the plea that I want to, and I will, make to my boyfriend Ben, that indeed, I do not have the strength or will to walk away from him, that I do not have the heart to play games with him, that I have no desire to tease him that other men are available, because it is in fact general knowledge that they are there but indeed none is like him and none can replace him. Instead what I ask of him is, if he knows deep in his heart that he has no place for me in his heart or in his home, if he can truthfully say he is unsure of what he desires from me, then I humbly and sincerely request, that from the bottom part of his heart, he should stop stringing me along. I ask that, should the latter be the case, the he should stand up tall and walk away from me, because I will never do it. Is it possible for one to walk away from their happiness? Not really, what happens is that happiness walks away from one