I have this uncanny ability to do things well and then undo them, or to be good then undo my good...I am genuinely confused. Today though ladies and gentlemen, I have realized just how easily I can sabotage a working relationship, or at least one which seemed to do better than any other I have been in, in the past 6 or so years.
So what did I do, apparently, I like going public with my private. To be frank, I do, not always though, just when the content of my writing is sure not to piss anyone off, especially the subject of the writing. Today though, I did just that, pissed off the subject. I started off by delegating a duty assigned to me by my boyfriend to my best friend. It was not exactly a duty, he wanted me to watch something, something we are both passionate about, but he did not specify. He just said I watch. I happened to have left the house by that time, to attend to some very critical errands before showing up to the office. So when I received the text, I realized the urgency but not the privateness of it, and sent my friend to check out what was happening on this channel. She was not pleased, music! how dare I wake her up to watch some boring music?! That was my first undoing of a well intended action to strengthen our relationship. I am sure, he was excited when sending that message, and he knew I would be excited on watching the jazz music on TV and of course, our day would have been great.
Second, I do try lots of stuff online. What made me try these keys on a particularly famous site, I have no idea. But I typed how important he was to me and how much he means to me, then I published. Granted, this was simply stupid! I also did the same for one of my girlfriends and she went 'aaaawwwww' with feeling. Not the same for this great god though, he was mad, seething! I can't say I didn't see that coming though, I have always known he hated publicity.
My lakini comes here. While I did all that stupid crap, and I am genuinely sorry (infact I will never ever ever, write anything about my relationship, any relationship on a social site again), he responded not very well. He compared me to his ex-girlfriend, said that is why he always preferred her to us the rest of the bunch, because we are clearly immature. First on that statement, I find it quite insensitive to compare me to an ex. This to all you guys out there, never take someone in if you are not done with the previous. That statement hurt so much, I felt a deep pain in my chest and the tears ran freely down my cheeks. How dare?! What makes you think you are perfect, that my ex didn't have better qualities than you? ok, I agree, he didn't, but he was humble, sensitive and could find time for me! I have never rubbed that on your face, because I am with you now! Second, who else is in this 'rest bunch of us'? First, why am I being grouped? so much for feeling special! Then just how many of us are around??!
This guy has been overly special to me, I have envisioned him as my husband, he has been in my dreams, I have seen small miniatures of him in my fantasies, and nothing scares me more than his leaving. But for this once, I kinda don't feel it anymore. I really do not want to sabotage the one relationship where I trully and genuinely loved, but I feel like maybe this is not it.
Happy weekend people.
Friday 28 June 2013
Tuesday 25 June 2013
Nonsense
Hello ladies and gentlemen, he is back! The man is back and I am only too happy to have him back. This is not going to be smooth for him though, he has to prove that he's worth all this. I have missed you guys, a lot. I realize that it has been very long since I told you a tale, and today, I plan to tell you about my lying prowess or lack of it.
Now, something happens when I lie, I lose my appetite, feel like peeing all the time, am very anxious, can't form proper sentences, and after all the discomfort, I am yet to get away with a single stupid lie! yes, I am that terrible at it.
The last time I tried lying was like 2 months ago. I lied to my then (and my current) boyfriend that I was going to pick my aunt up from the airport. All this, I did with the intention of going for another date with a jungu. Now, I am not a gold digger, infact, far from it. I would like to learn that art though, how better can life be! Anyway, to cut the long story short, the jungu happened to be my boyfriend with his one of his alias accounts. What followed, please don't ask. Just know that, I am grateful that is past and I am never going to lie to him again.
That said, I lied again today. Some company gadget was lost, and I was saving my ass, but most importantly saving the ass of a field executive. So today, I am sure you can tell how my day has been. I will update you on the outcome.
Meanwhile, I am in love front, back and side, but there is no way I am letting me go this time! I'm putting breaks to my heart this time. Thank you for listening to my nonsense, I really had nothing to tell you today. Have a great evening.
Now, something happens when I lie, I lose my appetite, feel like peeing all the time, am very anxious, can't form proper sentences, and after all the discomfort, I am yet to get away with a single stupid lie! yes, I am that terrible at it.
The last time I tried lying was like 2 months ago. I lied to my then (and my current) boyfriend that I was going to pick my aunt up from the airport. All this, I did with the intention of going for another date with a jungu. Now, I am not a gold digger, infact, far from it. I would like to learn that art though, how better can life be! Anyway, to cut the long story short, the jungu happened to be my boyfriend with his one of his alias accounts. What followed, please don't ask. Just know that, I am grateful that is past and I am never going to lie to him again.
That said, I lied again today. Some company gadget was lost, and I was saving my ass, but most importantly saving the ass of a field executive. So today, I am sure you can tell how my day has been. I will update you on the outcome.
Meanwhile, I am in love front, back and side, but there is no way I am letting me go this time! I'm putting breaks to my heart this time. Thank you for listening to my nonsense, I really had nothing to tell you today. Have a great evening.
Tuesday 18 June 2013
Of writers, readers and the rest
I have realized that, just like the way not everybody can
write, not everybody can read either. As
in, there are writers, there are readers and then we have the rest. If you write a piece and the
person who reads it is not the intended audience, or this person knows one or
two things about you, or they are in a very emotional state, then my friend,
you are going to be grossly misinterpreted.
Like everything else written, the junk we write around can relate to
different people in different ways. Take for instance the Bible, story of
Esther. It could tell you a lot of things. It could tell you that you’ll be
blessed from a humble background to be a queen, it could tell you that your
people will be blessed through you, and for me, it tells me that proper women,
have more power than often admitted.
That said, I will give you an example of something badly
interpreted. My exboyfriend, he blogs, a lot. He writes great pieces, till this
day, I cannot avoid going through his work. I believe I am a good reader, and
something has to appeal to me to pass for a great piece, which sadly, most of
my pieces do not. Anyway, so I decide to go through his archive, and to make
sure I don’t skip anything he has written, I organize them as per to the month
they were published, starting with the oldest. This guy can write, I mean, his
first piece is not at all amateur, for all I care, he could have been writing
since his toddler days. So I come across this piece on marriage, and for some
strange reason I feel the need to put my opinion in the comment section, under
a hidden identity. Now, if you have been my friend for some time, you do know that
my view of marriage is totally screwed up. I think people abuse marriage and
love; for pure and genuine love and marriages are there and can be made. I
believe that we let too much dirt and crap in, hence staining the purity of
love. So in my opinion, there’s no need of courting for 5 years and finally
tying the knot. I believe in getting ditched on the 2nd month or
thereabouts of meeting a person. That way, you marry someone purely out of
first love, pure love, before you hear some gossip that she once aborted, or
she’s a gossip, before your parents express dislike for his tribe, before your
friends get their opinion on her.
So I post my opinion there, and because we know each other
so well we can finish each other’s sentences, he figures it’s me. How does that
go down? Not well, but worse, he completely misunderstands the message. He
takes it that I’m trying to communicate a point across, which, to be frank, I
had not even thought about. So you guessed right, a lot of things I said went
into judging me, where I previously could say anything my roaming mind felt
like, my conversation with him is paralyzed, because full time, I am afraid of
saying the wrong thing. And like anything else fake, this relationship does not
take long to die.
Today, someone else misinterpreted my piece (not in a good
way). A non-reader this one, to say the least, and one whose opinion does not
matter at all. But this went on further to prove my point above. Maybe, I
should write less on some sites, and concentrate on feeding you, my ghostly
fans, the garbage in my mind, which I am yet to learn to express in good sentences.
Atleast, I figure that, if you got to this blog, then you must be a reader of
some sort. Non-readers do not use search engines, neither do they read
articles. In doing this, I hope you, my dearies, will recognize with what I
have written, I hope it will apply to you, (or not, given this is a rant about
my life, mostly the negatives), but I hope you can detach your feelings from
the writers. Sometimes, make that most times, I cannot even tell my own moods,
and I can promise you that my writing does not either. (Not necessarily
anyway). Happy reading.
Monday 17 June 2013
Not as immune as I thought...
Very recently, I realized that I am not immune to bad
things. See, if you are used to things going your way, you start thinking you
are immortal. I agree, I was not born one of the even averagely privileged
persons, but since beginning, a lot of what I wanted, with a lot of prayer and
a big chunk of self confidence that I so (unregrettably) possess, always came
to pass. As such, I’ve always had this feeling that I was above many things. I
have always been petite and very pretty; I have never believed that any man can
say no to me, okay, at least not at the beginning. This has also been because I
talk a lot, and I like talking to strangers, I also like intimidating people,
so at the beginning, I never fail to score. That, I still believe, I am yet to
meet someone who proves me wrong.
There was a time I also believed I could not be ditched by a
jamaa, true though, I was unditchable. Besides the attractiveness, I had the
security of someone clearly headed to heaven, no insecure shit. I also believed
I could not be afflicted by some things that were ‘for other people’, I
believed I could not contract HIV, I believed that every employer needed
someone like me for them to make it, I believed I was the best daughter any
parent could ever have, only my mom never seemed to notice it. I believed I did
not need to read hard to be an A student, I still believe that the man who
lands a wife in me, will live happily ever after.
Well, clearly, my bubble has been burst. I have realized, and not in very pleasant ways, that I’m actually anything but immune. I am prone to anything. I am no longer the most secure person in any relationship, on the contrary, someone was sent to show me that I was as expendable as any other female human being. (I know none of my past bfs can read this but, that’s why I turn into an ugly bitch after the 2nd month, insecurities, fear of loving you too much… I’m sorry, that was my loss). I have realized that because of how I have placed myself, I am actually the one who needs my employer more than he needs me. I know that I was not, I’m not, anything near an ideal daughter. I know for sure, if I don’t put efforts and sacrifice, my business will surely go down. I have been taught the hard way, that even I can get a low grade in school, if I don’t put effort. I know for sure, I won’t make a perfect wife, coz no one can.
So this is what I resolve to do, to work hard to make my
business prosper, to try and be a good daughter and mother, to purposely aspire
to be a good wife (that, when I get a husband, for now, I’m good), to try and
tone my insecurities a bit, because one who was meant to go, will always go,
and one who was meant to stay, will always stay, I promise to do my work well.
I also know, I don’t have to get any man that I want, so I should get used to
it. I promise to use a condom every time I do it, or not do it at all. I will give my
best, without exposing myself to exploitation. This means work, business and
relationships. Most of all, I know I am mortal as the person who passed away
last night, and therefore, I will wake up every day, say thank you and sing a
praise and worship song, because I am alive.
PS: In readiness to starting my business, I have bought a pair of closed sandaks, now I have to get me a pair of flat heeled boots, a pair of ngoma rubber shoes and a pair of not so pretty sneakers. There is no way I'm getting cracked heels because I went to the market!
PS: In readiness to starting my business, I have bought a pair of closed sandaks, now I have to get me a pair of flat heeled boots, a pair of ngoma rubber shoes and a pair of not so pretty sneakers. There is no way I'm getting cracked heels because I went to the market!
It's darkest near the break of dawn
Come and make, my heart, your home,
Come and be everything I have and all I know,
Search me, through and through,
Till my heart becomes, a home for you.
Every so often, something happens in my life, that throws me completely off balance. It's one of those times where a walking shell is not just a pseudonym, it's reality. Although I have come across few other situations like that, and made it in one piece, these situations are so unique, they hit you in such a new fashion such that you cannot borrow from what you did previously. I know that life is very unfair, but finally, each of us will have undergone a crisis at one time or the other (or not, some people are born privileged, their biggest problems are what others would laugh about, such as my friend and I are not in good terms. They marry well, have beautiful kids, work less and have more,...).
Now is one of those times, the past one month has come with so many challenges, I wake up at night and wonder what day it is, am I supposed to report to work tomorrow? I come to work and move around like a zombie, nothing makes sense anymore. If you sum up the past 30 days, the following things have happened:
My baby has been unwell for like 10 or so of them, missed school for 1 week
I've lost 2 phones, one was picked from my handbag, another was snatched while I was talking
I have lost a boyfriend and a half
I was optimistic about a certain business but after going through the logistics, not anymore (money wasted on this)
My contract expired and although it was extended, I decided to step out
The excitement I had about starting my own business (not the one talked about prior), has faced so much discouragement, I'm just but hanging in there
I found out that there is an anomaly with my Sacco account, apparently, the money I religiously have deducted from my salary never really gets there. (This mind you, is my alleged capital to start up my biz).
After losing my phone, only 2 pals have made effort to look for me, (the encouraging bit of this is, one of them was so concerned, she called my house girl)
After trying to pursue the first business so much, I am already very broke and it's just mid month
After all this, I'm anything but well. I will be well, that I know; My baby is better now, not completely good but the other day, I made a stop at KNH bus stop, I saw a kid, my baby's size, he was so ill, he could barely walk, and his eyes were tearly, clearly showing the baby was in pain. I have reason to thank God, my baby is back to school. I already have a promise for a small phone, thank God for small mercies like loyal friends, my boyfriend might be gone, but I have so much going on, he is the last thing on my mind, I am sure I would not want a boyfriend at my current state, so, all this is for the better. When I am done, I will get me a boyfriend, who knows, he might be better, and my taste might be a bit classier. I might or might not have a job, whichever way, it won't matter. My business will not only have started (something that has been waiting to happen for like a year now), it will be doing very well, paying salaries and wages and counting profits in terms of millions. My loyal friends will still be my best friends, I will have made other friends, some real, others fake, but my soul will float and I will be happy.
I also have lost morale for any type of writing, not that you will miss me, given you rarely come by. I hope that didn't come out so bitterly.
Come and be everything I have and all I know,
Search me, through and through,
Till my heart becomes, a home for you.
Every so often, something happens in my life, that throws me completely off balance. It's one of those times where a walking shell is not just a pseudonym, it's reality. Although I have come across few other situations like that, and made it in one piece, these situations are so unique, they hit you in such a new fashion such that you cannot borrow from what you did previously. I know that life is very unfair, but finally, each of us will have undergone a crisis at one time or the other (or not, some people are born privileged, their biggest problems are what others would laugh about, such as my friend and I are not in good terms. They marry well, have beautiful kids, work less and have more,...).
Now is one of those times, the past one month has come with so many challenges, I wake up at night and wonder what day it is, am I supposed to report to work tomorrow? I come to work and move around like a zombie, nothing makes sense anymore. If you sum up the past 30 days, the following things have happened:
My baby has been unwell for like 10 or so of them, missed school for 1 week
I've lost 2 phones, one was picked from my handbag, another was snatched while I was talking
I have lost a boyfriend and a half
I was optimistic about a certain business but after going through the logistics, not anymore (money wasted on this)
My contract expired and although it was extended, I decided to step out
The excitement I had about starting my own business (not the one talked about prior), has faced so much discouragement, I'm just but hanging in there
I found out that there is an anomaly with my Sacco account, apparently, the money I religiously have deducted from my salary never really gets there. (This mind you, is my alleged capital to start up my biz).
After losing my phone, only 2 pals have made effort to look for me, (the encouraging bit of this is, one of them was so concerned, she called my house girl)
After trying to pursue the first business so much, I am already very broke and it's just mid month
After all this, I'm anything but well. I will be well, that I know; My baby is better now, not completely good but the other day, I made a stop at KNH bus stop, I saw a kid, my baby's size, he was so ill, he could barely walk, and his eyes were tearly, clearly showing the baby was in pain. I have reason to thank God, my baby is back to school. I already have a promise for a small phone, thank God for small mercies like loyal friends, my boyfriend might be gone, but I have so much going on, he is the last thing on my mind, I am sure I would not want a boyfriend at my current state, so, all this is for the better. When I am done, I will get me a boyfriend, who knows, he might be better, and my taste might be a bit classier. I might or might not have a job, whichever way, it won't matter. My business will not only have started (something that has been waiting to happen for like a year now), it will be doing very well, paying salaries and wages and counting profits in terms of millions. My loyal friends will still be my best friends, I will have made other friends, some real, others fake, but my soul will float and I will be happy.
I also have lost morale for any type of writing, not that you will miss me, given you rarely come by. I hope that didn't come out so bitterly.
Wednesday 12 June 2013
Do you see the problem????
Dear ladies and gentlemen. Sorry for boring you with tales about my love life, I am trying to recuperate and with a little of your help and patience, I surely will, and will then spare you all this. Lucky you though, I'm quite good at moving on, so worry less, we will be out of this reverie sooner than you think. But for now my dears, please please, do not go anywhere. This is what friends are for, right? that is, assuming we are friends and assuming am not talking to myself here. But then air too is a friend, I mean, I live on it, right? moving on.
I am trying to figure out something, and you my dears are going to help me. Okay, I'm kindly asking you to please help me. I realize that you know, that I once wrote a letter to my ex (it had to be about him, but not for long, I promise). Well, I also wrote other crap that you are not aware of, but I'm sure you are not surprised given that you understand I was in a kind of a sick state, sick in teenage diseases.... Anyway, I did go through the clutter and gathered what I could, and you my lovelies are supposed to go through it, and tell me if you see where the problem started.
I start with the letter, then the response to the letter, and finally, a proposal. Please don't cry as you read.
The letter
The response was done publicly
The proposal, which he termed as shallow. He claimed not to read it, but I think thats bullshit, he would read a nursery rhyme if he came across it. The dude just loves reading.
I am trying to figure out something, and you my dears are going to help me. Okay, I'm kindly asking you to please help me. I realize that you know, that I once wrote a letter to my ex (it had to be about him, but not for long, I promise). Well, I also wrote other crap that you are not aware of, but I'm sure you are not surprised given that you understand I was in a kind of a sick state, sick in teenage diseases.... Anyway, I did go through the clutter and gathered what I could, and you my lovelies are supposed to go through it, and tell me if you see where the problem started.
I start with the letter, then the response to the letter, and finally, a proposal. Please don't cry as you read.
The letter
Dear …, (Not ex then)
As
promised earlier, I am writing this application to be your woman, to have a
serious relationship with you which will – sooner rather than later – lead to
something better like marriage and solemnization of our vows to live with each
other till death.
This
request has not been made blindly, rather after more than a month of knowing
you, meeting you a few times, watching you being yourself, react to situations,
sharing what is important to me with you and in an unseen twist, feeling a
strong emotional connection with you.
In the situation that this request is approved, I promise to be a woman of integrity and to uphold the following values: Be supportive, to whatever it is that you desire to do with your life, whatever it is that you are doing and whatever it is that you feel makes you remain true to who you are. To remain faithful to you and to be respectful to you.
In the situation that this request is approved, I promise to be a woman of integrity and to uphold the following values: Be supportive, to whatever it is that you desire to do with your life, whatever it is that you are doing and whatever it is that you feel makes you remain true to who you are. To remain faithful to you and to be respectful to you.
If the
request is rejected though, I promise to uphold my dignity and give you your
much desired space. To do it in a matter most honourable to both you and me.
(In this case though, I might require some ‘mourning period’ which basically
means a period to get over you without constant appearance in my chat list, in
my phone book, which might mean not being your friend until such a time that I
might feel ready to face you again. At the said time, I will look for you in
zest and be your friend).
All of
the above promises are made with full admission that I have no knowledge of
what you are and what you do. And in this case, the support offered above is
not limited to any specific things. As long as I have made a vow, consider it
true that I will stick by it.
Yours sincerely,
(Not) Ladybird
The response was done publicly
Or
so you think.
Just because you’ve seen a husband in a man doesn’t mean I am ready to get married to you, more so if you aren’t dating or you’ve just started that journey. Just because someone likes you doesn’t mean they’ll entertain the marriage talk. What you’ll end up doing is scaring me stiff with your need for speed, even though your intentions are clean. I’ll just beat a hasty retreat.
You want me to know you aren’t taking me for a ride, you long for me to see my place in your life. But though tempting, desist from putting the pedal to the metal, or else your desires will come a cropper. Of course i want to get married, but right now, as my heart warms up to you, my priority is to know the kind of woman you are.
So i stopped you in your tracks. Absorb. Get off your high horse and take a cold Snapp or Smirnoff ice. I am just being honest, a trait you’ll come to appreciate as years go by. I am simply letting you know that, though it’s good to have an end in mind, relationships shouldn’t be rushed. You need to let things brew to a rich fine taste. There’s a time for everything, that’s what a wise king once said.
You may not understand why I am reacting negatively to your suggestions. It’s not that I am putting breaks in my heart or am reconsidering your advances. I want you to slow down, to focus on the present, to get to know each other better. I want to reach that point where i trust you to be the woman in my life, for better or for worse.
The fact that i enjoy your company, the fact that i want to constantly communicate with you, the fact that i accepted to be your boyfriend should make your nerves relax. And as they do, let your mind steer clear of marriage talk. Secure me first, and don’t fret about any possible competition, even though predators are already waiting for an opportune moment to strike.
If you rush me, your ego will be bruised. If you doubt me, your heart will be too. I don’t want you to take me for granted. I need to see, not just hear, for myself that you are serious with me, not simply being a lyrical assassin in your quest to partake the cookie jar. You have to prove yourself to your desired future husband through actions, not by what you say, but most importantly, by what you do.
So you’ve got to be wise to know when to bring the marriage topic up, you need to bide your time. Don’t dive in headfirst, or you may end up pushing the one you desire away. You’ve got to first put your money where your mouth is.
Just because you’ve seen a husband in a man doesn’t mean I am ready to get married to you, more so if you aren’t dating or you’ve just started that journey. Just because someone likes you doesn’t mean they’ll entertain the marriage talk. What you’ll end up doing is scaring me stiff with your need for speed, even though your intentions are clean. I’ll just beat a hasty retreat.
You want me to know you aren’t taking me for a ride, you long for me to see my place in your life. But though tempting, desist from putting the pedal to the metal, or else your desires will come a cropper. Of course i want to get married, but right now, as my heart warms up to you, my priority is to know the kind of woman you are.
So i stopped you in your tracks. Absorb. Get off your high horse and take a cold Snapp or Smirnoff ice. I am just being honest, a trait you’ll come to appreciate as years go by. I am simply letting you know that, though it’s good to have an end in mind, relationships shouldn’t be rushed. You need to let things brew to a rich fine taste. There’s a time for everything, that’s what a wise king once said.
You may not understand why I am reacting negatively to your suggestions. It’s not that I am putting breaks in my heart or am reconsidering your advances. I want you to slow down, to focus on the present, to get to know each other better. I want to reach that point where i trust you to be the woman in my life, for better or for worse.
The fact that i enjoy your company, the fact that i want to constantly communicate with you, the fact that i accepted to be your boyfriend should make your nerves relax. And as they do, let your mind steer clear of marriage talk. Secure me first, and don’t fret about any possible competition, even though predators are already waiting for an opportune moment to strike.
If you rush me, your ego will be bruised. If you doubt me, your heart will be too. I don’t want you to take me for granted. I need to see, not just hear, for myself that you are serious with me, not simply being a lyrical assassin in your quest to partake the cookie jar. You have to prove yourself to your desired future husband through actions, not by what you say, but most importantly, by what you do.
So you’ve got to be wise to know when to bring the marriage topic up, you need to bide your time. Don’t dive in headfirst, or you may end up pushing the one you desire away. You’ve got to first put your money where your mouth is.
The proposal, which he termed as shallow. He claimed not to read it, but I think thats bullshit, he would read a nursery rhyme if he came across it. The dude just loves reading.
Ok, I want us to date,
for an exact one year, but with rules:
1. We will date exclusive, you see a marriage, we’ll be married, only not practically. No flirting outside, not even a temptation to date. One can meet with friends though, just like they were doing before, but no using this as an excuse to cheat on this contract.
2. On the no flirting point, let us make it a whole independent rule, if you are used to flirting, and it is your natural language (where whether you like it or not, what comes out of your mouth is a flatter), that has to stop.
3. One will keep doing what they do best, drink, do music school, work, business, everything. One will continue being themselves and the other person will, without a choice, support what the other person does and strive to bring the best out of him/her without imposing their wish or what they think is best on the other.
4. In the one year, there will be no living together in the same house. You can come to my place or vice versa, but it’s only temporary, (this will be convenient instead of spending money on hotels, which by the way, are not really a show of class)
5. Talking of hotels, there will be sex, for a very simple reason really, we are human beings and sex is a basic need (to bring it closer home, we love sex with each other). How frequent, we can decide on regular intervals, or we can decide to do it when the need comes (this I don’t vote for, because what happens when one of us is not in the mood? I think the other should focus on satisfying the other, afterall, in this whole thing, we are living in the spirit of living for the other for one year, being the perfect person for the other). In the case that we come up with regular intervals, one has the right to request for sex in between if they so feel like. (Yes, I know you love me for that).
6. We will be confidants, but we must protect each other and their secrets and treat each other with respect, respect each other’s family (if you have nothing to say about the others family, keep it to yourself). Our dirty talk can remain, and criticism will remain, it’s the only way the other will improve, that will not be considered disrespect.
7. We will respect space, wishes and friends. For instance, I will never visit your blog if u don’t want me to, the same for you for whatever is my wish. You get my point. On the friends bit, you can have whatever type of friends you want to, provided they know we are dating, and they can’t come in between us
8. We will be independent people, I’ll continue eating what I was eating, being in your life does not mean what is yours is mine. The reverse applies.
9. No child in the one year, but we are welcome to talk about it and plan about it if we feel that is what we want. No marriage either. Again, talk about it, plan it. If any of this will have to happen, it will have to wait for a year after signing of the contract. (Yes, signing will be there).
10. It does not matter the level of beauty that a God’s creature exudes out there, no withdrawing from this contract, my next point will explain why.
11. We will give total surrender to each other, blind trust, leave our weaknesses for the other person to fill them. (hence point no. 10, this has to be protected to the last bit). This does not mean that either one of us is allowed to be weak so as to be supported, if any of us exposes laxity so as to exploit the other, the necessary actions will be taken! Infact, I’ll call this a year of achievement, because your relationship needs are solved, you’ll be expected to channel that energy to better things
12. I highly recommend public declaration of dating, that will keep people at bay and in some instances help one avoid being caught up in compromising scenarios
13. No starving the other one of presence (yes, this is for me). We have to meet each other constantly to strengthen our bond
14. We will participate in some activities together, we will arrange activities on signing of this contract and each of us will contribute a certain amount regularly to make this a reality. None of us can ‘steal’ from this docket.
15. One should take responsibility for their actions. In the case that I offend you, I will be required to do the necessary to restore the union to be a happy one. In the case that one breaks a rule in this contract, there will be a fine, a severe one for that matter. (We’ll decide on that together)
16. In the 1% chance that you’ll agree to this weird contract, you are welcome to amend it, change it to your will, and then we’ll reach a final consensus. Again if we agree, this will be signed and a copy kept by each party. It’s a serious affair.
17. The basic objective of this is, to take one year off from the cruel world and be each other’s keeper and protector. To live with kindness and support each other well. Ultimately, to come out of it better people, stronger people ready to face the world afresh. This must be upheld in whatever activities one is engaging with.
1. We will date exclusive, you see a marriage, we’ll be married, only not practically. No flirting outside, not even a temptation to date. One can meet with friends though, just like they were doing before, but no using this as an excuse to cheat on this contract.
2. On the no flirting point, let us make it a whole independent rule, if you are used to flirting, and it is your natural language (where whether you like it or not, what comes out of your mouth is a flatter), that has to stop.
3. One will keep doing what they do best, drink, do music school, work, business, everything. One will continue being themselves and the other person will, without a choice, support what the other person does and strive to bring the best out of him/her without imposing their wish or what they think is best on the other.
4. In the one year, there will be no living together in the same house. You can come to my place or vice versa, but it’s only temporary, (this will be convenient instead of spending money on hotels, which by the way, are not really a show of class)
5. Talking of hotels, there will be sex, for a very simple reason really, we are human beings and sex is a basic need (to bring it closer home, we love sex with each other). How frequent, we can decide on regular intervals, or we can decide to do it when the need comes (this I don’t vote for, because what happens when one of us is not in the mood? I think the other should focus on satisfying the other, afterall, in this whole thing, we are living in the spirit of living for the other for one year, being the perfect person for the other). In the case that we come up with regular intervals, one has the right to request for sex in between if they so feel like. (Yes, I know you love me for that).
6. We will be confidants, but we must protect each other and their secrets and treat each other with respect, respect each other’s family (if you have nothing to say about the others family, keep it to yourself). Our dirty talk can remain, and criticism will remain, it’s the only way the other will improve, that will not be considered disrespect.
7. We will respect space, wishes and friends. For instance, I will never visit your blog if u don’t want me to, the same for you for whatever is my wish. You get my point. On the friends bit, you can have whatever type of friends you want to, provided they know we are dating, and they can’t come in between us
8. We will be independent people, I’ll continue eating what I was eating, being in your life does not mean what is yours is mine. The reverse applies.
9. No child in the one year, but we are welcome to talk about it and plan about it if we feel that is what we want. No marriage either. Again, talk about it, plan it. If any of this will have to happen, it will have to wait for a year after signing of the contract. (Yes, signing will be there).
10. It does not matter the level of beauty that a God’s creature exudes out there, no withdrawing from this contract, my next point will explain why.
11. We will give total surrender to each other, blind trust, leave our weaknesses for the other person to fill them. (hence point no. 10, this has to be protected to the last bit). This does not mean that either one of us is allowed to be weak so as to be supported, if any of us exposes laxity so as to exploit the other, the necessary actions will be taken! Infact, I’ll call this a year of achievement, because your relationship needs are solved, you’ll be expected to channel that energy to better things
12. I highly recommend public declaration of dating, that will keep people at bay and in some instances help one avoid being caught up in compromising scenarios
13. No starving the other one of presence (yes, this is for me). We have to meet each other constantly to strengthen our bond
14. We will participate in some activities together, we will arrange activities on signing of this contract and each of us will contribute a certain amount regularly to make this a reality. None of us can ‘steal’ from this docket.
15. One should take responsibility for their actions. In the case that I offend you, I will be required to do the necessary to restore the union to be a happy one. In the case that one breaks a rule in this contract, there will be a fine, a severe one for that matter. (We’ll decide on that together)
16. In the 1% chance that you’ll agree to this weird contract, you are welcome to amend it, change it to your will, and then we’ll reach a final consensus. Again if we agree, this will be signed and a copy kept by each party. It’s a serious affair.
17. The basic objective of this is, to take one year off from the cruel world and be each other’s keeper and protector. To live with kindness and support each other well. Ultimately, to come out of it better people, stronger people ready to face the world afresh. This must be upheld in whatever activities one is engaging with.
So ladies and gentlemen, do you detect any problems so far?
Thank you for passing by, Ahsante.
Monday 10 June 2013
Is it Karma Really, and if it is, what for???!!!!
Karma is real, and she is a total bitch, that I agree, and I
choose to tell you why. Now, as you probably know by now, I have not had many
people stay long enough in my life to qualify to be called proper ‘exes’, as
most of the time, what happens is a short 2 to 3 months stint and off the
person goes. (Not that there are so many of those either, but when something
happens in a similar pattern for more than 3 times, then it deserves some
scrutiny, and a mention, right?), well, moving on. Before you pass me off as a
completely written off piece, I have to inform you that, actually, 3 men have
had the lucky chance of being called my ‘exes’, the qualification criteria for
each being different. Make it 4, I just remembered a blast from the past which
I have absolutely no business forgetting. That one though, I won’t discuss in
detail, he was my high school sweetheart, the one who broke my virginity in
form 2 at the age of 16. The only interesting bit about that is that, he
tricked me into the whole thing. I was reporting back to school, and as many of
you know, opening days in high school are the days to meet the boyfriend. He
sweet talked me, took me to his keja and needless to say, I did it purely out
of fear, absolute terror, I don’t know what for. He used a cd, and all the way
to school, I thought I was so smelly everyone could tell. (There was no shower
of course; there was no way I was going to his parents’ bathroom and risk being
seen). The pain, and the one term I spent sleepless nights worried that I
could be pregnant kept me from ever doing that again till I completed school,
and way into college, and with a proper boyfriend this time round. So as you
can see, there was no more action from this one relationship, hence very little
to tell.
So I was talking about Karma, and this is how, the bitch, in
form of very hot soup served in a dish, came to exercise her works into my
life. So in college came my first (2nd if you wish) boyfriend. He
had all the good intentions, proposed 3 times, and each of those times I had an
excuse. See, I can’t say I didn’t love my boyfriend, I did, a lot in fact. But
the marriage idea was just not into me, I was 19, and was too much in love with
me. Sometime in 2005 (September to be precise), I had to report to campus. It
was good at first, I was this very loyal girlfriend. The same year, my boyfriend left the country,
but called religiously to remind me that our very bright future was being shaped
and I should be resilient. Anyway, to cut the long story short, I fell in love
with another guy, a class mate (this, guys, was real love, I swear). Which led
me to leaving my boyfriend for him. 3 months later however, and I was
forcefully drinking Karma for my daily meal. (I got thin in one week, my
trousers could not hold without a belt, and here someone is telling me to take
lemon to get the same effect). Not only did my new boyfriend leave, but he left
with one of my closest friends. I would see them holding hands and want to slit
my wrists. My friends nicknamed her, and I officially became the most insecure
woman planet Earth has ever produced. Now I can’t say I’m better since then, I
think I’m much worse because now, the bitterness has turned into this need to
matchet chase any person who I happen to have the slightest feelings for.
Seriously guys, you can’t just love me and have me love you back., For me, it
is really complicated. You have to go through a series of tantrums after which,
if you make through, then you will love this girl. Up to this day, no one has
made through, and clearly, no one is likely to.
This experience taught me a hoard of things; one, to never
leave a boyfriend for another. I make it better, I do not leave a boyfriend at
all, if I don’t feel you, I slowly fade into oblivion, which I have a feeling
is much worse. Second, resilience my friends, the need to be hard as a stone. Eti
you think you are having problems and you can’t understand why the world is
against you? Wait till the sun shines tomorrow, you will get a load of shit on
your front door, and you’ll have to deal with it, otherwise wait and die basi.
Now, given these tough lessons, and the amount of energy I
put just so not to give Karma another lesson to kick my ass, I happen to fall
in love with another man, this time, a man who fucks with my brain more than
any other part of my body. A man who I can frankly say, I saw for only 6 times
in a span of 3 months, don’t forget, we were dating, and we were okay. So, this
man leaves, and unlike other exits where I seem not to feel anything, this one
is full of emotion, I had to remove him from my chatlist because I can’t stand
seeing him and not talking to him. And before I click remove, I cry some, ‘I’m
sorry baby, sorry that I have to do this, but it’s the only way to forget you.’
So my question is, ladies and gentlemen, just what part did I wrong Karma this
time round, to deserve to have this one taken away from me? For once, someone that I truly cared about,
cared about what he was doing on a weekend, cared about which gal was a bit too
close, gave a thought about our future, what now? What did I do now?
Sunday 9 June 2013
after the denial comes the rant
I am annoyed, I am so mad I can't see straight. This weekend has been a long one, I have this headache that hits right between your eyes, you can barely open them. Reason, another passing frenzy that I was ill advised to take seriously. So I'll say this for the benefit of anyone who's harboring some hope or something.
I'm a freaking twisted individual, I have more shit than any normal girl out there. I talk a lot, but if you decide to make a stop in my life, then u should be able to differentiate between when I'm serious and when I'm talking just because I can, and because talking is my hobby. Just because I'll update stuff about marriage doesn't mean I'm looking for your cheap ass to marry me. Also, just because I commented on your piece about marriage doesn't mean I'm sending indirect messages. That is in fact, just me writing. In fact, if that piece was written by another person, even a perfectly real woman, I would have commented in the same exact manner, actually, I would have still commented the same thing even if I was happily married, simply because it's a beautiful piece, and I appreciate anything well written, and if I have some opinion, no matter how silly, I'll put it there. What u did instead is read too much where there was nothing to read. That comment was in fact just that, a comment. Now, I could not give a shit right now if you know this or not, in fact, this is for the rest of the 'man' species out there. I am the simplest that you will ever come across. I do not beat around the bush, I say it as it is. I want your ass to marry me, I say the shit as it is, in fact this for you, I remember writing to you a detailed application letter about the same. Why on Earth would you feel the need to later suspect that I was talking indirectly to you? One would be tempted to think that you took your time to know something about me. My point, I am a direct person, I do not know how to beat around the bush, I do not know how to pretend or send indirect messages and that applies to being hard to get too. I don't know how to do any of that shit. I like you, I want to give it to you, I do that without reservations. But that, and get this right, does not mean I am generous everywhere. In fact if I don't like you, I do the exact opposite, the reverse extreme. I get mean with even my conversation. Unless of course, you r open to just be my friend with nothing else in return, in which case then, you are very welcome sir, I will make your life interesting.
This is what I am saying, I am that twisted and screwed up, I have more shit than... who has the most shit? You I guess?! When you come into my life, be ready and willing to go through the muddle. Otherwise keep your small cowardly ass away from me. When I say willing, I mean all the way. Not giving up halfway you shameless coward. On the upside though, all the shit you go through will get u equivalent benefits. If you are half bright, you can appropriately apply the theory that 'any action will always have an equal and opposite reaction' in all areas of life. For this case, if you get a mild and meek woman, don't expect her to turn into a wild cat, or your house to be filled with fun. If you are looking to get married and have kids, that one is for you. Don't come near me though, I am nothing that. Back to my point, in the same way I am screwed up like that, the reaction is of the same magnitude. I am strong and resilient, and you will come to appreciate it with time. I'll treat you like a king and rub your feet. I'm reliable, if something ever happened to you, God forbid, I'll stick around, clean you, hug you, till the end. We'll argue and fight, but I'll be the first to admit when I am on the wrong and apologize. I'll inspire you and be a fall back for you. I'll encourage you with your most stupid ideas and be there to help you flight them. I'll complain on your stupid behaviors but will still pick your socks from the door, flush the loo, open up for you at 3 am and warm your food. (Yes, you will miss on the other benefits but when you are good, we'll compensate for your loss nights). Anyone who messes with you will be my enemy, and if you ever go down, I'll go down with you. You will know of all my bank accounts and what is in them. We'll plan for our future with all that is ours. You do not have to worry about me emptying our joint bank account or cleaning our house and escaping with the stuff, you do not have to worry about us breaking up or me cheating, all that because, by the time it comes to that, I will have told you openly when you are being an idiot and will take it positively when you do the same. Our boy child will look exactly like you and will carry your legacy to the end. Our gal child will look like me and will give you sleepless nights, with that, I won't help. Most of all, I'll sit and listen to you, I'll know whats important to you and how to respect it. In this though, I'm not entirely blameless. I admit, in the last one month, I didn't listen as I should and did not ask the necessary questions. For that I'm so sorry, if it will make you feel better, there's not a day I didn't think of how to correct our lil problem. It really wasn't a big problem, and I am positively convinced that had u stuck around much longer, we would have solved it. But you chose to give up on us, I wish you the best out there.
I'm a freaking twisted individual, I have more shit than any normal girl out there. I talk a lot, but if you decide to make a stop in my life, then u should be able to differentiate between when I'm serious and when I'm talking just because I can, and because talking is my hobby. Just because I'll update stuff about marriage doesn't mean I'm looking for your cheap ass to marry me. Also, just because I commented on your piece about marriage doesn't mean I'm sending indirect messages. That is in fact, just me writing. In fact, if that piece was written by another person, even a perfectly real woman, I would have commented in the same exact manner, actually, I would have still commented the same thing even if I was happily married, simply because it's a beautiful piece, and I appreciate anything well written, and if I have some opinion, no matter how silly, I'll put it there. What u did instead is read too much where there was nothing to read. That comment was in fact just that, a comment. Now, I could not give a shit right now if you know this or not, in fact, this is for the rest of the 'man' species out there. I am the simplest that you will ever come across. I do not beat around the bush, I say it as it is. I want your ass to marry me, I say the shit as it is, in fact this for you, I remember writing to you a detailed application letter about the same. Why on Earth would you feel the need to later suspect that I was talking indirectly to you? One would be tempted to think that you took your time to know something about me. My point, I am a direct person, I do not know how to beat around the bush, I do not know how to pretend or send indirect messages and that applies to being hard to get too. I don't know how to do any of that shit. I like you, I want to give it to you, I do that without reservations. But that, and get this right, does not mean I am generous everywhere. In fact if I don't like you, I do the exact opposite, the reverse extreme. I get mean with even my conversation. Unless of course, you r open to just be my friend with nothing else in return, in which case then, you are very welcome sir, I will make your life interesting.
This is what I am saying, I am that twisted and screwed up, I have more shit than... who has the most shit? You I guess?! When you come into my life, be ready and willing to go through the muddle. Otherwise keep your small cowardly ass away from me. When I say willing, I mean all the way. Not giving up halfway you shameless coward. On the upside though, all the shit you go through will get u equivalent benefits. If you are half bright, you can appropriately apply the theory that 'any action will always have an equal and opposite reaction' in all areas of life. For this case, if you get a mild and meek woman, don't expect her to turn into a wild cat, or your house to be filled with fun. If you are looking to get married and have kids, that one is for you. Don't come near me though, I am nothing that. Back to my point, in the same way I am screwed up like that, the reaction is of the same magnitude. I am strong and resilient, and you will come to appreciate it with time. I'll treat you like a king and rub your feet. I'm reliable, if something ever happened to you, God forbid, I'll stick around, clean you, hug you, till the end. We'll argue and fight, but I'll be the first to admit when I am on the wrong and apologize. I'll inspire you and be a fall back for you. I'll encourage you with your most stupid ideas and be there to help you flight them. I'll complain on your stupid behaviors but will still pick your socks from the door, flush the loo, open up for you at 3 am and warm your food. (Yes, you will miss on the other benefits but when you are good, we'll compensate for your loss nights). Anyone who messes with you will be my enemy, and if you ever go down, I'll go down with you. You will know of all my bank accounts and what is in them. We'll plan for our future with all that is ours. You do not have to worry about me emptying our joint bank account or cleaning our house and escaping with the stuff, you do not have to worry about us breaking up or me cheating, all that because, by the time it comes to that, I will have told you openly when you are being an idiot and will take it positively when you do the same. Our boy child will look exactly like you and will carry your legacy to the end. Our gal child will look like me and will give you sleepless nights, with that, I won't help. Most of all, I'll sit and listen to you, I'll know whats important to you and how to respect it. In this though, I'm not entirely blameless. I admit, in the last one month, I didn't listen as I should and did not ask the necessary questions. For that I'm so sorry, if it will make you feel better, there's not a day I didn't think of how to correct our lil problem. It really wasn't a big problem, and I am positively convinced that had u stuck around much longer, we would have solved it. But you chose to give up on us, I wish you the best out there.
There's a place that I know
It's not pretty
there and few have ever gone
If I show it to you
now
Will it make you
run away?
Or will you stay
Even if it hurts
Even if I try to
push you out
Will you return?
And remind me who I
really am
Please remind me
who I really am
Everybody's got a
dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Like a diamond
From black dust
It's hard to know
What can become
If you give up
So don't give up on
me
Please remind me
who I really am
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?
Friday 7 June 2013
Of Cunnilingus
The reason why I've never had a cunnilingus in my 28 years beats me. There's one thing I know though, if I ever let a man down there, then I must hate that man, or something close. I'm not hating on the act, infact I hear it works miracles and is a show of how much a man loves you. But my mind has this ability to conjure up very ugly images, especially of anything that goes into my mouth, hence anyone else's mouth. But you kids go ahead and have some fun, it's been something like a month since I got any action.
You might wonder on what has happened to the mourning damsel, with all her love woes. Well, I think I'm feeling better, my spirits are definitely soaring. This after I have had a couple of drinks, which (un)fortunately are not juices. Or so I would like to convince my Novida drinking ass.
Happy Friday dears. I do hope one of you will wave as they pass by. It definitely will make my weekend.
You might wonder on what has happened to the mourning damsel, with all her love woes. Well, I think I'm feeling better, my spirits are definitely soaring. This after I have had a couple of drinks, which (un)fortunately are not juices. Or so I would like to convince my Novida drinking ass.
Happy Friday dears. I do hope one of you will wave as they pass by. It definitely will make my weekend.
My Stormy Night
When she was just a
girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
So she ran away in her sleep
Dreamed of para- para- paradise...
Every time she closed her eyes...
When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
And the bullets catch in her teeth
Life goes on
It gets so heavy
The wheel breaks the butterfly
Every tear, a waterfall
In the night, the stormy night
She closed her eyes
In the night, the stormy night
Away she'd fly.
So lying underneath those stormy skies.
She said oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.
I know the sun must set to rise.
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
So she ran away in her sleep
Dreamed of para- para- paradise...
Every time she closed her eyes...
When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
And the bullets catch in her teeth
Life goes on
It gets so heavy
The wheel breaks the butterfly
Every tear, a waterfall
In the night, the stormy night
She closed her eyes
In the night, the stormy night
Away she'd fly.
So lying underneath those stormy skies.
She said oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.
I know the sun must set to rise.
Life goes on
It gets so heavy
The wheel breaks the butterfly
Every tear, a waterfall
In the night, the stormy night
She closed her eyes
In the night, the stormy night
Away she'd fly.
Only that, instead of closing my eyes and flying away, I can't seem to control the floodgates. Yes, you guessed right, a heart break. Really! You sigh, the same old problem. Is it your first heartbreak? you ask. No, it's not. Is it your last? Maybe?, I really hope so. I'm at work, I can't work up a single question on the damn questionnaire, and it has to go to the client for approval today. So I go to the washrooms and let it all out, but that only serves to make me sadder.
It’s over my dears, he’s gone. The man who’s brought so much joy in my life for () months, my sunshine, one who brought with him the new dawn, the man I would have sacrificed for. He’s left, and I didn't even put up a fight. You wonder why, maybe because I am that much a coward?! I can’t fight for a man if he was the only one left on this Earth. And so, I let a great man (yes he is) walk out of my life, great genes which could have made my wonderful bright babies. No, it’s not the first time I have assumed a walkover role, where someone passes by as if sent by the devil, a short stint in my life and off they are gone. But this, this was not just a walkover. And if you think I’m exaggerating, be reliably informed that were it not for the () months this man has been in my life, you would not be reading this blog. Well, that is because there would be no blog, I would still be seated somewhere, envisioning stuff, hoping to achieve and doing nothing about it. I've lost a wonderful catch, the only one of it’s kind, and I’m sorry (imaginary) ladies and gentlemen, but this relationship is worth mourning. Plus I can’t help much, the tears are kinda rolling and there’s nothing much I can do about it.
Thursday 6 June 2013
This is ME!
Ok, I thought it right to tell you a little bit about
myself, it’s just rude to bust in here in the blogospace and go on and on like
I was born here. This is a brief (and broad) story about me, because you can’t
handle all of it at once, and also because, I can’t bring it all up from the
archived part of my brain at once. I’ll put it in form of a list.
1.
My childhood was fairy ok, I would like to think
my parents loved each other - since they slept
on the same bed – but well, the events of life might have proved me wrong on
that one. They separated when I was around 3, I can’t really tell my exact age then, and my mom
has never bothered to explain.
2.
So, a single parented child you think? Well, as
it turns out not so much! I was brought up by my lovely grandparents, that after
my dad disappeared to only g.. knows where and my mom moved to another big town
to try and make ends meet. My big bro (I’ll elaborate), once in anger said, she (mom) went to play ‘city girl’, sssshhhhh… Don’t say I said that, I still hate him
for saying that. I understand she did what she had to do, and I know she loved
me to bits, because I remember she bought me a dress work KES, 1000! For those
who do not understand what I am on about, that was too much money to spend on a
kid’s dress back then. Heck! It’s still
a big deal this day, given my most expensive dress cost me kedo KES 700. (That’s
not true, I should have said my most expensive dress currently. If we talk of
ever, that amount will turn to be KES 2,700). I know you are rich, we all are
not, please come back from the reverie. I’m not looking for pity, neither am I using my blog to
source for alms. I’m too proud and independent, and I do harbor big dreams
which I promise will come to pass in the near future, and I’ll be here to tell
you about it. I don’t know how we got to this point, back to the list.
3.
Because of my very active childhood (I don’t
envy those who consider to have had a better childhood), I have 4 scars that
proudly tell of my story.
- a. A burn on my elbow, I fell in an open fire (you know, my grandma’s where you use firewood and all), when I was 3, as I tried to make fire and whoever was supposed to be watching me was….that’s to tell you I don’t know.
- b. On my thumb,I almost chopped the damn thing off while trying to 'chonga' sugarcane. Yes we had sugarcane and we still have very very sweet sugarcane. That is, my grandparents have them.
- c. Somewhere near my left leg knee is a scar from a a bicycle accident. In my childhood crew, I happened to be the only gal and was therefore exposed to such boyish activities. (Please. remember this bit, I might refer to it some time, if I ever decide to explain why I never bled when I broke my virginity!). That day, it happened that the bike had zero brakes, and yes, I knew the bike was faulty!
- d. How do you call that part of the leg now? Check the drawing. So, my uncle was using a sharp pointed tool used to dig up sweet potatoes, (I frankly don’t know what’s it’s called), to harvest avocados and I was right under the tree. So the ‘thing ‘ fell and pierced right through my foot. To put it simply coz I know I’m incoherent like that, it’s like using a pin tack to stick a paper on a board. Yes, my foot was stuck to the ground like that! Forgive my English, I promise to correct the above once my mind can form a proper sentence. Anyway, that's scar no 4.
- e. I have one on my arm. This I acquired as I attempted a makeshift shower in my granny’s bathroom, by pulling a pipe and hanging it on a nail on one wall. If you are surprised, such actions were commonest, I guess you can attribute them to my company as described in c. above.
- Those are five, frankly, there are many more and I’m proud of them. Of course I cover them up when going for a date, you don’t want to look like a freak in this town where most ‘Men’ – and I use this term loosely – grew up on fast food and spent most of their childhood time watching cartoons and playing ‘kati’.
4.
I broke my virginity at the age of 16. Since
then I’ve had one proper boyfriend and many ‘passersby’. I know I promised to
reveal my darkest secrets, but even I am not that dump to reveal that number to
you.
5.
As a teenager, I escaped from home 4 times. The
last time was the most memorable because on one of those days, as we were out
with my ‘friends’ who had harbored me, I got confused for a whore and got
arrested. Well I did not spend the night, they managed to get me out. But anyone
who has had the chance to be handled by Kenyan cops knows what I went through.
Of course I vowed never to escape from home again, and I haven’t to this day J.
6.
I have one degree and one diploma I have no idea
how I acquired the diploma, this as I can count the number of times I appeared in class
for the 1+ years
7.
I am a proud mother of a 3+ year old boy
(turning 4 in a month’s time), who is so bright such that, if I ever considered
myself bright, then clearly I overrated myself. The boy does real math! And he’s
only in middle class. By the time I did such math, I must have been in std. 4,
Kenyan 8-4-4 system. Story about the dad will come another day.
8.
I have a boyfriend, I’m not sure if he’ll
transform into a proper boyfriend or he’ll turn out to be another time waster,
but this one, I can say I love him. That is assuming I know what the heck love is. I just know that he makes me feel stuff that, if I had a choice, I would never feel. Also, whenever he goes quiet, which he does often, I miss him, get irritated (like I am now), feel lost and finally succumb to the pressure and call him. This time though, I promise, I won't call him, swear!
9.
I am 28 (In all honesty), and I
intend to get married by 30, or stay alone
10.
I don’t make much money, but I’ve learnt to live
according to my means, and of course I have big plans for baby ‘s and my future.
11.
I do not have any idea how to be a lady feels
like, I have never been one, owing to the fact that most of the habits 'ladyish' have been as alien to me as anything only seen on telly. I would like to believe though that I am a proper female (actually that I am, if you don't believe me, ask the countable passersby of my life, I'm yet to hear a complain), who lives her life maximally. I know I'm happy!
12.
I'm not a fan of alcohol, at least not the hard
whisky/vodka (I hate the smell and taste). I don’t take wine either (Atleast not what I've been exposed to, which is very limited). I am ok
with an occasional Snapp or Black ice. Don’t shy away from going out with me,
I do not need alcohol to behave like a
possessed person.
13.
I’m a tad oversize, but I am pretty with a full
African figure (read big boobs that I just so love!). I’ve tried to cut my
weight severally but wapi! You can give your advice, just don’t tell me to not
eat biscuits. If you promise to give me something to eat which will remove the
fats from my body, I promise to. (By the way, how comes no one has come up with
such poison as yet?)
14.
I’m a lost person, but I take my
responsibilities seriously and my baby is my reason to live.
Haya, there, to keep you engaged for a while. That is,
hoping you’ll come by at all!
Wednesday 5 June 2013
IN HIS EYES
My boyfriend is a writer, we have not dated for long (A few number of months), but he sent this to me, it kinda gave me an idea on how he sees me, but maybe you can help me analyse it further.
I IMAGINED THAT I WAS YOU, AND HERE WE GO:---
.............My ex-boyfriends taught me that the flair of the bad boy is not my place to hook and bait. They taught me that I loved myself a lot more. That I was not ready. I needed to learn to be alone first. They taught me that I needed my time to be wanted back as I wanted. They gave me good times. They kissed me good, and we had good Saturdays in bed. They taught me that there are constant lines in the vocabulary of manhood- like ‘she likes me’, ‘she kissed me first’, ‘we are just good friends’, ‘she knows about us’. They also taught me to leave a man’s facebook account alone, his phone. And if ever I feel a desire to peep into any, I am better off out already. From them, I discovered that the lover and the loved are different people, and that love is never returned in the same measure that you give it out, unless we can measure love in units. It can never be equalized. They taught me that my satisfaction- of the body and the soul was solely my own affair. And no. Not in a masturbatory kind of way. They taught me that sometimes solitude clears your mind. Makes you think! They also taught me that my wounds heal fast. Within the length of a sneeze. And that I can’t stand being a passing fancy.
The places I worked taught me that corporate is a bitch. And that I cannot afford to etch friendships that will cost me better opportunities. Work taught me that I need to feel useful in a company, and that is the only way I will get satisfied. I also learnt that you have to give your services for free sometimes, make them need you first, and then make your demands.
A boy I once liked ( not me though ) taught me that two people that are compatible with each, understand each other, even complete each other’s sentences do not necessarily have to belong together. He taught me that these people you see on FB and twitter, flaunting their big monies, they are on their 17th job, and you are on your 2nd,so it is an undoing to compare yourself with them. He taught me that money does not make you happy.
Someone (not me ) once taught me that I am too pure, as pure as the dirt I allow inside my life. And that this is now. Because it is now. And I should live it. Cling it. And as I do that, I should learn to say it well in good sentences.
I IMAGINED THAT I WAS YOU, AND HERE WE GO:---
.............My ex-boyfriends taught me that the flair of the bad boy is not my place to hook and bait. They taught me that I loved myself a lot more. That I was not ready. I needed to learn to be alone first. They taught me that I needed my time to be wanted back as I wanted. They gave me good times. They kissed me good, and we had good Saturdays in bed. They taught me that there are constant lines in the vocabulary of manhood- like ‘she likes me’, ‘she kissed me first’, ‘we are just good friends’, ‘she knows about us’. They also taught me to leave a man’s facebook account alone, his phone. And if ever I feel a desire to peep into any, I am better off out already. From them, I discovered that the lover and the loved are different people, and that love is never returned in the same measure that you give it out, unless we can measure love in units. It can never be equalized. They taught me that my satisfaction- of the body and the soul was solely my own affair. And no. Not in a masturbatory kind of way. They taught me that sometimes solitude clears your mind. Makes you think! They also taught me that my wounds heal fast. Within the length of a sneeze. And that I can’t stand being a passing fancy.
The places I worked taught me that corporate is a bitch. And that I cannot afford to etch friendships that will cost me better opportunities. Work taught me that I need to feel useful in a company, and that is the only way I will get satisfied. I also learnt that you have to give your services for free sometimes, make them need you first, and then make your demands.
A boy I once liked ( not me though ) taught me that two people that are compatible with each, understand each other, even complete each other’s sentences do not necessarily have to belong together. He taught me that these people you see on FB and twitter, flaunting their big monies, they are on their 17th job, and you are on your 2nd,so it is an undoing to compare yourself with them. He taught me that money does not make you happy.
Someone (not me ) once taught me that I am too pure, as pure as the dirt I allow inside my life. And that this is now. Because it is now. And I should live it. Cling it. And as I do that, I should learn to say it well in good sentences.
Because I don't know where to start
As a beginner, I'm pretty much lost on how to make the blog pretty, post my profile pic, which blogs to list as following, where to start with my tales, as I have so many... Besides that, I feel elated to have started something new in my life. This will not only serve as a place to practice my writing, but a place to rant every so often, to pile my bile, to tell my tales and share my secrets, na kadhalika. Just to warn you, I am an amateur, have never written much in my life, so if you come across this site, do not expect much, (soorrryyyy), but I promise to give my best and to take your criticism in a good way. I trully hope not to scare or bore you away. Welcome, Karibu, Machiegni..... I'll add more here, given as how my country is blessed to have around 42 tribes (hence languages) if only it will make you come again.
I feel like I should put something here to entertain you for the next like 12 hours, which is most likely the long it will take me to come up with my first post. So enjoy the few updates I've sourced from another area, don't worry, it still makes my original writing!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)