Thursday 14 May 2015

Teach me How to Fall in Love

After days of crying, mourning, self pity and all that comes with a breakup with someone you loved...you still love, Ben drops this bombshell, that he is married. Wait! He is not just married, he was married all along, the 2 years of my life that I spent picturing him as my husband, he had a wife all along! That is the day I woke up - grew up - and  I was not about to shed an single extra tear for this man, and whatever belongs to him. It's a vow, I swear even, I will never.

Fast forward 2 weeks later, I start chatting with an ex-colleague, a guy I worked with in the year 2010 and a guy I had not talked to for more than 7 months. The story behind this guys is interesting, he is a trully wonderful guy, clean hearted and an open book. Gets better, since the day I reported to that company, he has always been in love with me! and believe me, I was not a very lovable sight back in 2010, I was still battling baby weight, didn't know how to dress up and assuming I did, I had not even enough money to make my hair twice a month, leave alone buy pretty clothes. But for some reason, this guy who was already earning good money and was exposed to many women; loved me. I also had no time to love at that point, so even after his declaring his love for me countless times, I just smiled his way and wondered what the heck he was on about. By the time I could give someone a chance, he had most likely given up and therefore, the someone was never to be him.

Until some time in 2012 when I gave him a chance, then quit on him after a week of hooking up and a day of visiting his house and finding one week dirty utensils in the sink. I was so disappointed, I helped clean them and left, and that was the last he heard of me. Until 2 weeks ago, I found a memory on facebook where he had declared his love for me and looked him up. Lucky for me (or strangely) this guy was as accommodating as any other time I ever tried calling him up (I have to admit this is a bit scary). We decided go out. Last week I visited his place to pick some few things, and he had spruced it up a little (it's still a junk but it's a better junk now). He says he tried to upgrade for me, mmmhhh...not saying anything.

I believe there are few good guys, even less than few when it comes to what tickles my fancy, but I gotta vouch for this guy, he has it, he is good, he's calm and corrected, he's mature, he earns and he's genuine and quite open. We've not been so close but I feel comfortable in what I know about him. Further, he's ready to take me with him home, not officially (only because I completely refused something official before I am ready for it), but on a disguise event where I can go as a friend and get to meet his family, and I'm guessing figure out if it's the lot I would like to be related to.

Am I lucky or what! I would like to think so but the fact remains I do not love this guy, not the crazy unconditional love that should be. This is everything I have ever wanted, handed to me so easily, I really am so lucky, and I really do appreciate it and despite my wishes that I was getting it from someone I trully adore, I plan to stay there and try. But I need help, I need lots of help to love this guy, I want to love him, I'm trying to, I suspect the following things hinder me from loving him and maybe you can advise:

1. This will probably be the smallest, meager(est) and most unimportant of all but I suspect it is majorly the reason my skin crawls at his touch. His wardrobe is made of : baggy trousers which look out of place for someone quite lean, he always combines a shirt and a jacket (badly faded, he doesn't own any t-shirts for weekends), this always gives an impression of wearing too many clothes (not good ones) at the same time and finally, he has at least 12 pairs of the ugliest shoes ever! and none of them is sandals. I almost forgot, he always have to have a cap, mostly the reggae type of caps meant to hold huge dreadlocks, those things are so ugly.
2. His walk is a bit stooped, yeah he's tall but it seems to be a sign of lacking confidence...I could be wrong but Ben was huge and he walked too straight, too much confidence in that one
3. He is unambitious! He is into IT for crying out loud, with a degree and years of experience, he's the IT markets hot cake! I suspect this has to do with lacking confidence as highlighted above. When I took up internship, he was already earning and if he's not careful, I will be earning more than he does in a short time.
4. His house has weird things such as an old desktop which he loves, and a weird looking drum like container which I gather was initially meant to store the shoes! (Insert the shocked smiley here).
5. His music collection is purely reggae! Surely you cannot have taste for only one type of food, no matter how much you love it
6. He does oatmeal porridge. I suspect this is a good quality in a man but for some reason, it never seats well with me. He does a lot of healthy eating like no sugar and brown rice but besides the oatmeal, I'm good with the rest.
7. He goes to Njuguna's for a beer and chicken kienyeji, I always have to pick where to be taken for dates lest I find myself at Njugunas, it happened once
8.He has a gym section in his house and his weights are made of badly chopped building stones. Everything else there is good though, it's my favourite part of his house.
9. He has really ugly old sofas, suspect they are second hand at the minimum amount of money you can ever think of.



No comments:

Post a Comment