Dear Father in Heaven

I am so emotional today.

Mostly, being in this emotional state works against me, because it is my weakest state. That is why I remembered to pray when I woke up, something I rarely remember to do these days. Today I remembered to ask God to be with me, to help me, to be with me through this journey called life, to help me make wise decisions, and to come to my rescue because I am lost.

Ladybird is lost, ladybird has been so lost for quite some time, but she keeps forcing things to happen, because she believes that if these things happen, she will be happy. And this lady of the birds seeks happiness in life, its all she dreams about, a happy life, a stable family life without so many breakages in the family unit. But again, I have always believed in emotional connections as opposed to functional ones, and they sure do have their advantages because when it is emotional, people tend to do things without thinking, and we all know spontaneity is sexy. But the question is, to whose advantage is this spontaneity? is it balanced or is one party always on the losing side? psychologists believe in functional connections, and frankly speaking, I'm beginning to think they might be right. There is a reason they went to class to study this while I did not, its likely they know more about this than I do. I should learn to listen more.

I always know when I have lost a battle and it happens when I stop caring. I haven't stopped caring, not at all, but I have started to wish that I had. It is said that times bring people together, unfortunately I cannot say the same for me. Do I date a married man? if not, why so much strangeness and weirdness? I am a happy person, but there is a level of happiness that I only reach in the presence of one specific person, and I have never ever before reached that level of happiness. So am I living for the scarce and very rare very happy moments? What is the reason for living, what is the reason God created love in our hearts if for some reason these things will not be replicated? is God fair? What should I do? What should I pray for? Why am I so lost?

I pray that my dear God help me, shine a bright light to my path and reveal for me what is in store for me. If I happen to follow the rare but extremely happy moments, then bring into my heart satisfaction, patience, humility and appreciation, give me a supportive heart and spirit, remove from me the shame that looms large infront of me, I do not want to be shamed Father, shamed that I gave a man my all and he lied to me day after day, shamed to find out that the man I have surrendered my heart and body and time to is married, or does not care about me, my worries, or my concerns, for my face is yours, let my face not to be shamed dear God. In the case that I happen to follow a more controlled happy route, then dear God I pray that you be with me in every step, be the bearer of the happiness torch in my life, let me give utmost happiness to gain utmost happiness, protect me from regrets and unfulfilled dreams. All in all, I pray you guide my decisions. I am not the best of your children, I am not obedient, humble, or prayerful, but I turn to you in my lost and confused state Father. I submit my worries to you, my concerns to you, and my future to you. May your will be done. I pray this humbly and faithfully. Thank you Lord.